2007 Had Better Be A Better Year

I hate being negative. Everything about me screams happy, happy, joy, joy....I'm silly, love singing and dancing (even though I suck), enjoy humor and sarcasm. Find everything funny and happiness in simple things. So what's the problem? Everything in life is trying to beat the shit out of that, that's what. I'm very much aware that, for several months, most of what's come out of me in the way of conversation is a neverending saga of "poor me". And that's not who I want to be...Little Miss Gloom & Doom. That being said, here's the (final) chapter.

Monday I went to work with the excitement and anticipation of Ty's birthday celebration afterward. I was scheduled to get off at 2, which was rare on a Monday - normally I work until 6:00. The day started off like crap...I didn't have my work keys - the ones to open up everything including the safe. Oh Joy. I'd looked after Mom on the weekend and was pretty shook up to learn that she'd had two falls in two days. It's heartwrenching for me. Anyhow, I left my keys there, along with the laundry I'd taken over there to do - I guess my head was elsewhere. So, without my keys, I had to call my boss and have her meet me at work to open up. Luckily, she was in a rare good mood - she said that initially when she heard my voice on the answering machine she thought it meant I wasn't coming in and that she was pleasantly surprised to learn that I was. She had plans for the day with her son and was really looking forward to them. So that helped. Brownie points for me. I haven't missed a day yet and they're getting pretty used to relying on me.

So after she'd come over and I got things rolling, it was business as usual. That lasted about an hour. I started feeling really crummy and had a severe headache. I got a chair to sit on and pondered how I'd leave the booth to go and get some water. My job sucks in that there are no breaks and I'm literally stuck in the little booth for my entire shift.I've used the bathroom twice in the year and a half I've been there - it's a huge ordeal that involves locking everything up and shutting down the computer in order to do so. But I was slowly starting to feel really woozie and weak and was growing increasingly concerned. The day before I'd had some pretty severe back pain but sloughed it off as nothing serious.

I was startled, yet relieved, to see Linds show up at my booth...she was supposed to be in school so I was surprised by her arrival. She'd left something at home and had stopped by to get my house keys, so she covered for me as I went to the washroom and got some water.

She left and a few minutes later all hell broke loose. I started hemorrhaging (severely) and was completely freaked out. I called my boss, who quickly came over to relieve me. I left work and headed to my car, fully intending on getting home and calling someone to whip me to hospital. The fucking car wouldn't start!! I was scared I'd pass out but didn't want to put any more on my boss...she'd had to cancel her plans to cover for me and I just felt so guilty.

I stumbled home and pretty much collapsed. I went up and had a shower and just as I got out, the kids came home so I played it down. I didn't want to completely spoil Ty's birthday with worry. Besides, I started feeling a bit better after resting for a few, so I made the decision to wait it out...opting not to subject myself to the emergency ward fiasco (again - remember, I've been there a few times lately with Mom). May have been a stupid decision, but I just couldn't endure sitting there for 4 hours, only to be told "you can go home". In any case, I couldn't make it for Ty's birthday and he wanted to postpone it until I could. Sucks. Totally.

I'll be seeing my own doctor and have a pretty good idea of what's going on. It was pretty scary stuff though and I'm still not 100%. As for the dysfunctional Volvo....I had BCAA tow it to my garage and got the bad news today...it's beyond the scope of what they can do (which is everything short of completely dismantling it - it's a wiring/computer problem). They mickey moused things so I could pick it up, but there are no guarantees it will start reliably. They showed me a few "tricks" to try when it won't start....to the tune of $400. And it still doesn't leave me feeling too confident.

So that's my week so far. Oh, it was a full moon Monday....figures. We're at what?...Wednesday - hump day. I wonder if I'll survive until the weekend. This has just GOTTA' be the end of the black cloud era for us.