Sunday, May 18, 2008

Long Weekends Are Meant For Building & Burning

I've been meaning to update here but I seem to always be on the go. I do best in life when the pace is set to frantic...anything less and I lose direction. So, in order to keep me on course, something's gotta give. Mostly it's my visits to blogland and if you don't see me around your place it's not anything personal. I'm just buried in dirty clothes somewhere...please send help.

I'm happy about the long weekend...Fiona was here for a couple of days and I really enjoy the time spent with my family more than anything. As the "kids" get older, they're not always around and I realize how much I miss the laughter in the house when they're away. Ty's a frickin comedian...or at least he should be. He does impressions better than any I've ever seen and as he shifts between Borat, South Park characters and Mitch Hedberg, he keeps us in stitches. Linds and Jesse are so damn cute together and man am I thankful that my children have met outstanding s/o's. We have a hell of a lot of fun and I lap up every second of our time together.

Oh, hang on...a 4 minute high sticking penalty in the gold medal game...brb. Wahoo!!! Goal by Burns makes it 3-1 Canada!

O.K., back to the business at hand...see how I get sidetracked?

The weekend has been lazy and enjoyable so far. Friday night after work I went and bought an extra large bottle of cider for us and we headed out front (to where the sun is) one gripe in life is that our back/patio area loses the sun by 2 or so and there are also wasps out there. We normally don't hang out front though because the combination of traffic noise and bus fumes just doesn't work with the idea of "chilling"...but Friday night we opted to sit under the big tree and put ourselves on public display. Poor neighbours.

One big issue that my kids have with me is that I'm cheap thrifty. I have to be - on one wage, there isn't a lot left over for extras so, when I spotted a "stainless steel barbecue" for $10 last year at Outdoor Depot, I bought two. They've been sitting downstairs ever since...for some reason no one wanted the extra one. My Dad and Fiona both declined the offer....I now know why. (They're both WAY smarter than me)

Tyler would like to live a good life....only thing stopping him at the moment is that his current job hunting isn't working out quite as planned. But he would prefer to place himself behind a Hank Hill 2,000 pound propane cooking unit. Unfortunately, I'm a Hibachi queen and my barbecues can be carried and cost less than a case of beer. If I can make do on less, I'll do so. But there are times in life that the realization hits you - it's better to spend the extra money to get something that doesn't put lives in danger. This would be one of those times.

Anyhow, we turned the speakers towards the open windows and buckled down to the daunting task of building the Made In China beaut (that no one else wanted). I now understand why they cost $10. I really think it was about 8 dollars too much.

First of all, as Tyler was quick to point out, you just don't fit a "stainless steel" barbecue into a 16 x 20" box. Despite the manufacturer's attempt to fool me (they did), stainless steel can't be folded. Red flag. From the get go, Ty was clearly not impressed.Why the thing had to be wrapped in blue shrink wrap is beyond me...step one was to peel it away and Ty's patience with that lasted oh about 17 seconds. He then told the piece he was working on to fuck off and handed it to his lovely assistant.

(Update - it's now 4-2 Canada in the third.)

Right around this time people we knew started to pull up in their cars to see what we were doing. This was diffused things before Tyler blew. Something about crooked bolts, misaligned holes and razor sharp edges just wasn't working for him. He's so picky. His friend Alex dropped by and then Dave stopped in and quickly went to work with Ty. Because two men going "what the fuck" are way better than one.

So it's a good thing that they gave us "Exploded" instructions because the regular ones just weren't enough on their own.With all due respect to the victims and, while I do understand that it's no joking matter, I now understand why all those buildings collapsed.

When Ty grew totally frustrated confused pissed off with the instructions, he cheered up with the realization that all was not lost....

....and that he could use the bbq as a Hallowe'en costume. (FTR - last year he peeled the label off a 2 liter bottle, stuck it on his t-shirt and went as Ginger Ale. Yeah, that's my boy! Genius, isn't he?)

After much head scratching, choice language and giggling from the peanut gallery, by nightfall the cooking unit was constructed and ready for action. We seriously considered whether it would melt and buckle during use but came to the unanimous decision of "screw it", which resulted in absolutely delicious strip loins, courtesy of Ty. No one was injured or killed in the process so, all in all, a good night. And a definite step up from last year's fiasco barbecue.

* * * * *

(And damn if we didn't just lose to Russia in OT, courtesty of Mr. Kovalchuk. Oh well, I'm happy for Ovechkin and it's great fun to watch him kissing other men on the cheek!? Those crazy Russians)



Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

I dunno, I think Ty deserves some sort of bravery award or something. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that the bbq did eventually get assembled and grilled some mighty fine striploins, but I am a big believer in you get what you pay for. I'm happy to cheap out on some things, but would be terrified to do so on a bbq.
Glad you are having a fun weekend with the family and that nobody has lost their eyebrows.

7:19 PM  
Blogger Whitenoise said...

That's funny. If it's any consolation- the more expensive units aren't always better for assembly.

My wife bought 2! big, honkin' stainless BBQs from Zehrs. You'd think with the President's Choice label on 'em, they'd be top notch...

Well, they'd obviously substituted parts after drawing up the directions. Plus, they'd ammended the directions with a one page insert and the result was more confusion. The correct procedure turned out to be a mishmash of the old and new directions. What should have taken 2 hours ended up taking 2 days...

But, question for you... Why is it that it's always women who buy these things and men who suffer the assembly? ;-(

6:29 AM  
Blogger Allison said...

Funny, I was just talking about BBQs the other day. I start carving grilled veggies once May hits.

My parents have the biggest BBQ - couldn't possibly fit in the "backyard" I have in my flat it would take up the entire width of the house. ;)

Sounds like you all are having a great long weekend!

7:55 AM  
Blogger jim dandy said...

I just bought a 12 dollar grill. After the monetary conversion and depreciation for the lack of quality, it just may be worth 2 dollars Canadian. Have yet to try it, but it snapped together quite quick.

4:49 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Barb...we've singed the eyebrows before, so it seems we never learn. I'm going to invest in a decent bbq's about #12 on the list.

w/n...that's just what the rules state - the women shop, then men build. ;)

Allison...grilled veggies are probably my most favorite thing in the world. I especially love peppers, onions mushrooms and zucchini. Yum, now I'm craving them.

jim too huh? We need a full report when you do try it. Be careful and I suggest a flame retardant suit.

9:24 AM  

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