Hi guys!

Has it been a week again? Geesh, how time flies, eh?

I've been wrapped up in a lot of stuff here and, when it comes to my kids....priorities.

Linds is in a bit of a funk and hasn't been to school in a while...it's obviously a growing concern. Thankfully, her teachers/counsellors are all over it and working with her vs. against her (like her old school used to do when she had these episodes). They're using kindness, patience & understanding and, hopefully, things will get back on track soon. I am eternally grateful for the time and effort that these people have put in to my daughter...they see the potential in her and refuse to give up. I wish every school had staff like this.

It doesn't help that her father's flaking a bit lately and using all the wrong tactics in getting her to communicate...he can be a bully at times (trust me, I know). He's decided that I've failed as a mother and that's why our daughter doesn't want to go to school. It's income tax time and he needs someone to vent on because you can't go beat up Revenue Canada. He still directs all his anger at me and I'm very much aware of that. I'm over it already and it reminds me of why I'm on my own. Now I can simply screen calls. :)

The fact that he does this really does piss me off deep down though. I'm the one here on a daily basis, putting the blood, sweat and tears in with her. I'm the one picking her up at night (and when she falls down). I meet with the school and keep them in the loop of what's happening. And he's playing "you never call me games" with her. He's skiing on the weekends and spending sunny days at the beach with his dog while I'm busting my tail. He normally comes to see her once a week, for 3-4 hours. But that's been sliding lately and he hasn't shown for a couple of Sundays in a row. He sometimes manages to undo all that I'm doing with her and knocks her self esteem to the floor without even knowing it. It's her birthday today and yesterday's mix up with him meant that she spent the day in tears instead of with him. He's usually better than this and I'm really disappointed in his behavior right now. What timing.

The school staff thinks Linds is "afraid" of moving on next year (she's finished here in June)...they said it's common for the kids to do this - to start sabotaging things in order to stay on. I'm pretty sure that's the gist of it - although she doesn't like to talk much, she has expressed concern about what next year holds for her.

Being a parent isn't easy, is it? You fumble your way through and some days are just all about "what the fuck do I do now?". I'm having a few of those lately and that explains my MIA status. Anyhow, we'll work through it but, in the meantime, I'm not making the rounds here lately, as my time is being spent trying to support this kid through her "stuff". Hope you're all well and I hope to be back soon.

* * * * * * * * * *

Happy birthday, to the most beautiful, kind, creative, compassionate daughter to ever make a mother proud. As we watched those home movies the other day, I was reminded of an easier time - a time before death and heartache arrived on our doorstep. There you were - 4 years old, singing "Ironic". Isn't it?

What makes you so special also creates pain and turmoil in you. But they just don't "get" you and, as I told you when you were young - what makes you stand alone now will also make you stand out later on. You ARE different - for all the right reasons and don't ever change. There is no cookie cutter for you - you were hand crafted and a masterpiece. Everything that is good in just the right proportion. You can make others laugh, just by being you. You see beauty in the ugliest of places. You care, too much for your own good at times. You have talent and creativity that are immeasurable. And I feel honored to know you, let alone have the distinction of being your mother.

Today will be a happy day...I'm devoted to making it so. You deserve the moon and stars - unfortunately, I can only give you love. Well, ok, and presents.

Happy birthday Linds. All the love & happiness in the world sent your way. I only hope that, in a time of gray uncertainty, you find reason to smile. Today and all days.

Love you babe,
Mom.

xoxoxoxox