Just a quick bitch before I'm off to work. Last night when I went into the hospice (later than usual), a nurse, who will remain anonymous, said "where have you been? Your Mom's been asking about you?". Hhhhmmm.
What she didn't know was that I'd changed things up a bit and had been there for the entire morning the day before, freeing Dad up to do some stuff. Which meant I wasn't there in the evening (when we went to the concert). What she SHOULD'VE known is that it's none of her business and to confront me like that was very inappropriate. That I owe no explanations re my schedule/time with Mom. Being the people pleasing wimp that I am, I gave her a big explanation. Why do I do that? I'm an adult - I need answer to noone. I should've dealt with it then - perhaps something like "I don't think that's really any of your business" (which it isn't). But that might've set her off and I'm scared that Mom will suffer if I don't kiss ass. But this was an issue for me...for years my ex was extremely controlling and it took me a long time to regain my confidence after we split. I swore I'd answer to noone but me in this life....that I'm quite capable of being responsible/accountable for myself and don't need any help with that. So a nurse that we're paying good money for really has no right to question me like that, does she? She may have been acting in Mom's best interest (which I've considered), but she also knows that two minutes after I leave Mom forgets I've been there. So her asking about me is a given - she does it regularly, whether I'm there or not. It happened Tuesday morning - I'd been with Mom all morning and then Dad came in so I ran to the store to get some stuff for us. When I returned we did a little "test"....Dad asked Mom if I'd been there. She said "no, I haven't seen her", despite the fact that I'd been there all morning and had just left for 5 minutes.
Now this is the same nurse that called me for five nights in a row, all within an hour or two of me getting home from there and sometimes quite late at night. I just don't think that I need this extra pressure...someone "babysitting" me and keeping my schedule for me. Now I feel like I want to "slink" in and out so noone knows when I'm coming/going. Because, really, I don't think it's any of their business...what do you think?
What she didn't know was that I'd changed things up a bit and had been there for the entire morning the day before, freeing Dad up to do some stuff. Which meant I wasn't there in the evening (when we went to the concert). What she SHOULD'VE known is that it's none of her business and to confront me like that was very inappropriate. That I owe no explanations re my schedule/time with Mom. Being the people pleasing wimp that I am, I gave her a big explanation. Why do I do that? I'm an adult - I need answer to noone. I should've dealt with it then - perhaps something like "I don't think that's really any of your business" (which it isn't). But that might've set her off and I'm scared that Mom will suffer if I don't kiss ass. But this was an issue for me...for years my ex was extremely controlling and it took me a long time to regain my confidence after we split. I swore I'd answer to noone but me in this life....that I'm quite capable of being responsible/accountable for myself and don't need any help with that. So a nurse that we're paying good money for really has no right to question me like that, does she? She may have been acting in Mom's best interest (which I've considered), but she also knows that two minutes after I leave Mom forgets I've been there. So her asking about me is a given - she does it regularly, whether I'm there or not. It happened Tuesday morning - I'd been with Mom all morning and then Dad came in so I ran to the store to get some stuff for us. When I returned we did a little "test"....Dad asked Mom if I'd been there. She said "no, I haven't seen her", despite the fact that I'd been there all morning and had just left for 5 minutes.
Now this is the same nurse that called me for five nights in a row, all within an hour or two of me getting home from there and sometimes quite late at night. I just don't think that I need this extra pressure...someone "babysitting" me and keeping my schedule for me. Now I feel like I want to "slink" in and out so noone knows when I'm coming/going. Because, really, I don't think it's any of their business...what do you think?
posted by Deb at 8:32 AM
5 Comments:
No, I think you are right to have been annoyed. I also think I probably would have done what you did for the reasons you did them.
You are doing so much for your mom, your father, your kids and oh yea, that little thing called work that we all have to do to pay the rent you certainly do not need to be hassled by some nurse.
I imagine they at the hospice are so relieved to have a patient with a caring family because it takes a lot off their shoulders so maybe her approaching you in the manner she did was more out of weariness on her part. I still can't get over the fact that they phone though. That one would drive me crazy because I know I would be thinking, "What the hell do we pay you for? You're the expert!"
Hang in there.
Thanks tc. It was probably the tone that she used...it wasn't a nice "hey, how are you doing?" thing, it was more of a scolding. Which I didn't appreciate. I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff but it just makes me aware of the fact that they're "monitoring" my visits.
I would tell her how you feel, maybe she doesn't realize what she is doing?
Thanks for visiting my blog
and don't be so hard on yourself
Why don't they phone those people who never come to visit their families (and you know that there are lots of those out there) instead of the ones who visit all the time? Ask her that next time.
hey b, welcome aboard. I just figure common sense should tell her that. And people don't always take constructive criticism well.
Barb - which is part of the problem. We're there/accessible so we face the wrath of the overworked nurses.
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