Wednesday, May 30, 2007

What the hell is going on this week? Two things totally grossed me out, today's incident so much so that I still feel sick and I think my mouth is bubbling and blistering.

After work I went to the local corner store (which will remain unnamed) to get Linds a SLURPEE or a BIG GULP. Enough said on that. So I'm lined up when I notice that they had a tray of "goodies" to sample, as they often do. Now, being that it's out on the counter where every single person in line has spewed all over it, I usually don't get involved. And today's item was extra nasty and almost indistinguishable...but the little piece of smokie still somehow called out to me..."come eat me". Understand here, I was starving...all I'd had was some scrambled eggs early in the morning and it was now six p.m. Initially, from a distance I thought, "nah, they look disgusting". And, as I got closer to the cashier I eyed up the shrivelled old things on the tray and thought "nope, totally gross". And then I ate one. Yes I did. I'd just stuck it in my mouth with the little toothpick when I realized it was even worse than it looked. It was cold and had probably been there all day. Yuck. I nonchalantly spit it into my napkin when noone was looking and gestured to the clerk "where do I put my toothpick?". Then I almost fucking died. He pointed to the courtesy cup that I'd gotten it out of. You've got to be kidding? Now, understand here...there were no other toothpicks - those were the only ones. So obviously I'd assumed they were there to use. WRONG. They were discarded ones that had ALREADY BEEN USED. Oh my fucking God, shoot me now. I immediately went to the manager and asked why on earth they'd have the cup of toothpicks there, beside the samples, without it being marked "garbage". If there had been another batch of toothpicks, I'd have assumed they were to be placed in the cup afterward, BUT THERE WEREN'T. How was I to know that the only little cup full of toothpicks were other people's slimesticks??? AARGH.

I swear to God I feel my lips blistering as I type. I'm quite sure my teeth are going to fall out by morning and I'll break out in herpes sores too. I immediately rushed home and mouthwashed like a maniac. I considered drinking some of the mouthwash. Then I phoned the store's customer relations line to let them in on the little "mishap".
Number one - why the hell do they think it's o.k. to leave meat out on a counter all day to serve to customers?
#2 - Why did they not have a constant supply of "new" toothpicks to avoid this confusion?
#3 - Why the hell did I eat that little piece of shit, despite the voice in my head saying "you'll die, don't do it"?

I'll tell you why - because I'm a moron and I was starving.

If I don't post tomorrow it means they're burying me at Garry Point. If it's not from the mystery illness, it'll be from a stress induced heart attack. And no worries...I don't need a cross on my grave. Stick some goddamned fancy schwizel stick toothpicks there to remind everyone of how I met my fate. Roast smokies over the fire on top of me for all I care. I'm a goner, I know it.

On second thought, the second gross out item will have to wait...I just can't take any more tonight. I'm going to wash my mouth out with sandpaper now. G'night all.



Blogger kelly said...

gag...Deb if you die can I have your BC lions jersey? The Geroy whats his name one....please please

I'll take it to victoria and Tocatta and I can burn it...oops I mean fondly remember you by it

I'm thinkin health department nmight have something to say about how they handle food

Don't die ok?

11:48 PM  
Anonymous Ty said...

You're my mom, so I feel bad by saying this...but...



1:43 AM  
Blogger Mike M said...

Ok, now I feel really bad for you.

ty saying you got owned is just more dirt in the wound but you have to love kids honesty -0-0-

5:01 AM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

O Debs... I can only quote a saying beloved of people like Anna Nicole Smith:


and my own version:


Man what DO some people think they're DOING??? Honestly!

5:14 AM  
Anonymous kelly said...

hmmm no responses..maybe someone should check in on her

8:15 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Yea, I made it!! So far so good.

kelly...them's fightin' words. Ty got the jersey - I already had one and nobody's getting within 10 yards of it. I can't die because I have to take Linds to the doctor today...maybe later though.

Ty...hahahaha. Remember those cheques that came in my name but were really yours? I need some new clothes ;) (Btw, the last one came). XO Mom.

Mike M...yep, Ty's like that.

gled...those words sum it up nicely.

9:02 AM  
Blogger Allison said...

Yuck, that is utterly disgusting.

I'm glad I roll with people who carrying badges and hold the ability to give out warning or shut places down. Food police!!


10:21 AM  
Anonymous Ty said...

I'm glad the last one came...I was thinking about that yesterday when I was spending money I don't have yet :p.

Has my friggin' tax return come yet? Has yours for that matter? Stupid government better give my my money soon, Fiona got hers ages ago.

7:27 PM  
Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

That what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, Deb. You just boosted your immune system!

7:28 PM  
Blogger mellowlee said...

AAAHGH! I got through the post relatively ok, then I got to our label "Can I borrow you floss" and Totally Gagged *turning green*

8:45 PM  
Blogger mellowlee said...

oops, make that "your label" premature commentation

8:45 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Allison...I need to hang with people from your crowd.

No moola from the feds Ty. They hate us. Linds is yappin' on the phone, but call me later. Getting the HP account up to where you can build on it again. Placed in the final table again just now. XO

Barb...I need you around here. The glass is always half full when you're here!

Mel...that's o.k. - I'll share my label and my floss. Hell, you can even use my toothpick if you promise to give it back.

10:48 PM  
Anonymous Ty said...

So much for the HP account.

Was at a pot limit table, got dealt AJ. Me and another guy see the flop, it comes 6AA. I end up all in on the turn and he flips A6. Bullshit. Oh well.

PS don't phone me in the morning I'll be asleep!!!

12:59 AM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Are you ok Debs?
Long time no post

1:27 PM  
Blogger Toccata said...

Get your butt back here so we know
anonymous toothpick slime did not kill ya! Yikes!

You need to get Allison and her food police on it right away.

1:39 PM  
Blogger LaLa said...

Thanks Deb. After reading that, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

8:37 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Hey gleds, tc...I'm back. Food police are deperately needed here! ex used to say I made him sick too! Sorry - hope you weren't just going out to grab a hotdog off the bbq!

9:12 AM  
Blogger busterp said...

I don't know how I missed this. I hope you're still alive and can read this: very funny. Tragically funny. Darkly funny. Have a nice weekend.

9:24 AM  

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