I Have To Swear Alot In This One

HAPPY SINGLES AWARENESS DAY

I stole that btw. I like it - it's true. I hate Valentine's Day - it's stupid and here's why:

1) Hallmark shouldn't say what your actions/heart should. It's the lazy ass way....now put in more effort.

2) Guys don't like their women to get fat, so why the hell lay a bunch of chocolate on them? They're gonna eat it you know. And then that lacey teddy you bought them ain't gonna be so hot. And you're going to have a fight when you tell her so. It'll be your fault.

3) Flowers mean so much more if you steal them from someone's garden pick wild ones.

4) It's a chore and too soon after Christmas to think about gifts and cards...if you think I'm going shopping around for more gifts, you're fucking crazy. Just look at those month old ones...I just threw the boxes away yesterday. And the cards all make me barf and sometimes laugh. Who writes these things, 6 year olds? Kill me now. Roses are red, violets are blue fuck off you're bugging me. The End. Amen. Whatever.

5) Hand made cards are the best. Seriously...I want blood sweat and tears if you're going to bother at all. Poke yourself with the scissors even while you're making it. Search for an hour for a red marker. I don't want something that costs $4.95 and takes 12 seconds of your time. It's a waste of money. ( I remember the time my ex bought me a beautiful anniversary card - piano keys with a red rose...gorgeous card. Six bucks. It was my birthday, God bless him. And he arrived half drunk, 10 hours after work to deliver it to me.). It's not that I'm ungrateful or don't appreciate what I do get...it's just stupid on your behalf. Save the money and keep it simple. We'll both be happier.

6) If you're like me - a loser single, it just makes you feel like you're all alone, drowning in a sea of love people. They're all wearing red, carrying flowers and broadcasting it all over the universe via bullhorn. "I'm in love...look at me". Fuck off, you're giving me a headache. No, I don't want to hear your plans. I'd rather iron my face. So hit me over the head with a hammer why don't you? Yes, I'm alone today. Deal with it (I did).

And, along those lines, what about the young folks, the ones still in school?. Nothing beats up self esteem quite like a day of being surrounded by peers as they are lavished with gifts and you get nothing in front of all of them. Yeeha, this is fun. Wanna beat me up after school too? Wait, I'll tuck my skirt in my underwear on the way out.

I just had a thought:

Smart people should do dinner on February 15 when the crowds of swooning hearts are all back at home texting each other and fighting and the meal prices are back down to normal and don't require a small loan approval before ordering. But no, everyone is going to try for a 7 pm reservation on the 14th because we are all followers and the calendars are the law. I'm getting a little worked up over this, aren't I? Wait, I need to go deep breathe for a minute.

Do I sound bitter? I'm not...I've just never really bought into the Valentine's Day hype. It seems so forced and unnatural to me. Everyone say I love you at the same time on the same day and make sure you bring red roses because it makes it true. I'll do it tomorrow.

My ex used to buy me a t-shirt and a rose, both bought from the bar he was in and I'd get them eight hours later, wilted and wrinkled, smelling of smoke and wet from beer. He was so sweet...God love him. I got more of a kick out of his drunk little self and I didn't care about the gifts much. I knew what we had and (honestly) didn't need stuff to validate it. Still don't. Unless it's something I like, like CD's or new runners - then it's all good. I'm romantic like that.

Where am I going with this? I don't know, this day is just stupid.