O.K. A New Day & The Sun's A Shinin'

There, a couple of deep breaths and I'm back in fighting form. Mom's doing excellent...couldn't be more content. Which sometimes offers a false sense of hope - but, whatever. It's working for now. My friend Pam at the hospice is an angel and actually we've turned Mom's room into quite the little hen party. I think I'll bring the wine next time.

Today was a roller coaster ride at work. Started off awesome - good tips from Keno winners. The guys from the bar tip well and are always in a good mood. One of the real perks of my job are the tips...some days are really good.

Then my favorite sushi friends brought me some "freebies"...payback for the smoked & pickled wild salmon I delivered to them last week (courtesty of Dad...connnections). Funny, I can get unlimited fresh fish from him and my kids hate it. So I give it away to people I like. And I also received a lovely date/walnut loaf from another "friend" whose little girl I give books to. I still have a lot of my kid's stuff from when they were young and I like to surprise kids at work with "presents"...they love it and the expressions on their little faces make my day. But today apparently was my turn and I received gifts all day. Fuck Valentine's Day, February 13 is it. "Deb Day", it's official. Next year you mark that one down, o.k.? I know where you live.

Then some devastation...a friend that I met through work came by. We've sort of been supporting each other through the rough spots...me/Mom and she/her husband. They're a bit older than me, not much. And they're so awesome together...I hadn't seen them in awhile and when they finally came around a few months ago they reported he was battling cancer. They'd lost everything (they had their own business) and were struggling - had to rely on SS for awhile while he battled for his life. They had nothing and didn't know how they'd make ends meet the next month. They have kids a bit older than mine. I saw her at a gas station a couple of weeks ago and she said they were going to move him to the same hospice that Mom's in...good, we could hold each other up a bit. When I saw her today I knew. I had a customer and I mouthed "how is he?" to her. She just shook her head in a "no" fashion and I knew...she then mouthed "he's gone". Last Wednesday. Fuck. I think he knew he was going...he came in alone once in between and he didn't look good. And he said goodbye in a different way..he seemed so sad. Completely defeated. My heart just aches for her...she's completely lost without him. She was going over to get some groceries because she said she hadn't eaten much since then and there was nothing in the house. Imagine, at one point social fucking services had even tried to take her car from her, the one needed to transport him back and forth to hospital (which was bought and paid for, I might add). Talk about kick you when you're down. Like they needed those kinds of worries as he lay dying. Fuckers. I hate government slobs. They wanted her to sell it for far less than it was worth and use the money for expenses. Heartless bastards. She fought to keep it.

So, yeah, now I'm back to sad. And aren't I just the bearer of good news and happiness? Well, taking Linds for her counselling now....back later. I could probably use some too but, no time. Maybe I'll see a rainbow or something enlightening. Did you see me try to be cheery at the beginning of this? I really did.

XO