Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I Think It's Beautiful Linds (even if it is green)

(*NOTE: I've edited this a bit...had a tad bit more bitching to do before I could let this die. I'm over it now.)

When you watch your kid put her heart into something only to have it dismissed as unimportant and unworthy, it kind of makes you die a little inside for them. I keep fighting these little battles on behalf of Lindsay's self esteem but, within a two hour visit, he can batter her back down to nothingness. And he's her idol...she so wants to please him. Last visit, when asked if she was a good water skiier, he replied (in front of her, as well as others), "she could be I guess...if she tried harder". I watched her shrink into herself. No acknowledgement of how great she'd done (she had). Just "she needs to try harder" and "isn't good enough yet". Strong message to send to a 15 year old who's already battling depression and anxiety. Who's dropped out of school because she feels she "isn't good enough". Gee, I wonder where she ever got that idea? Bastard, doesn't he know she puts everything into anything she does for him?...it's all to impress him, yet nothing seems to. Nothing's ever good enough in Mr. perfect's eyes. When you're dealing with someone like that, nothing will ever measure up to his standards. She got up the first time she ever tried and let go with one hand to do a "wahoo rock on" sign. I think that's pretty spectacular. Don't tell her she didn't try hard enough because, if you knew anything about her, you'd know she gives everything 100%. But you obviously don't know that.

The cake sits here, untouched - he "didn't want it" so he left it behind. He said it's because he's sick, but I know the real reason - he watches every fucking thing he eats and cake is "forbidden". He wouldn't even have a spoonful because he's so vain that his waistline's more important than his daughter's heart. They're equally small apparently. Pffft.

We'd made an extra cake for us (to share with "Papa" and Uncle). And, with that one almost gone, Linds and I looked at each other tonight, giggled and said "good, more for us" at the exact same time as we dug into HIS cake. I try and keep it light, not put too much emphasis on his shitheadery - it just makes her feel worse in the end. After all, that's her father and she doesn't really want to hear that he's an asshole, even if he is (at times). She puts up a tough, "I'm o.k." exterior but I know that, underneath it all, each incident like this strips away a piece of her. It's not o.k.

(Now, to prove I'm not just a negative Nelly here...in good news, my Vancouver Giants won 9-2 tonight!! They lead the series 2-1 and are playing some fine hockey. Mr. Hockey must be proud of his boys)

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Anonymous kelly said...

i like cake

10:51 PM  
Blogger Toccata said...

What a stupid shit.

Glad Linds has you. She can bake me a cake anytime.
green icing is just fine by me!

11:50 PM  
Blogger LaLa said...

Lindsay sounds like one heck of a daughter. And that cake looks delicious!

12:25 AM  
Blogger tkkerouac said...

Can't hold back, have to say it,
Your X is a selfish, Self centered, abusive, asshole...
there, its out of the system

7:38 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

kelly...real men eat cake.

tc...you're next in line for a cake then.

lala...she is so great lala. Honestly, she's a sweetheart and so kind/caring. I'm pretty protective of her...nice girls finish last apparently.

tk...that about sums it up. He has flashes of actually being human at times, then the true colors come out and he's back to square one. So disheartening.

8:08 AM  
Blogger whitenoise said...

Good on ya, Deb. You care so much about other people and how they feel! The world need more like you...

8:54 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

thanks whitenoise...right back at ya. ;)

9:20 AM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Is it mint flavour??

9:28 AM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Does he REALIZE what he's doing when he says stuff or is he just not thinking? My stepbrother's dad came down a few years ago when he was about 18 ranting at him he would never get anywhere bc he wasn't organized enough approach to life etc etc. Man the troubles & strife that caused... I don't even know if they've spoken since. I have never seen my step bro so upset by anything....

9:31 AM  
Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

Poor Linds. Please tell her that is the finest looking cake I have ever laid eyes upon. And damn it, I want a big slab.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

no gled, just vanilla that we colored.

Words can cut like the sharpest knife. Trouble is, damage is done and can't easily be undone - especially at that impressionable age. Sad.

Barb...I'll mail you some, k? It boosts Linds up a lot when I let her know how supportive people are. Funny, she came down last night for that piece of HIS cake and, right before she cut it, she said "Mom, can I take a picture of it?". I told her that I'd already beat her to it - I think that let her know that at least someone appreciated it.

11:32 AM  
Anonymous kelly the cakeless said...

just make sure that neither of you make a cake or go to any extra effort for him next year unless he smartens up

12:29 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

his own mother keeps saying "why do you do things for him?". She got tired of him sneering at the gifts she bought him. So, with that in mind, next year's a birthday bust for him.

kelly the cakeless...love it. Am leaving for work with a smile on my face!!

12:35 PM  
Blogger Michelle Ann said...

Wow! That was like a little trip in my childhood. I too had a father that was incapable of being unconditionally supportive and encouraging.

All I can say is that you slowly make your own family; some actually family and some friends that care and love you far more than those related to you by blood. At 38, I finally have a real "family" and in their eyes...I'm a superstar.

You sound like a fabulous mom and believe it or not, you don't need both parents to believe in you. Just one person can make all the difference. Already, he is losing out on a great thing.

5:12 PM  
Blogger junky said...

Asshole....nuff said

7:28 PM  
Blogger mellowlee said...

That brought tears to my eyes. Tell Linds I think that cake is damn spectacular! *HUGS*

7:52 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

I know its later, but what a wanker!

Cake looks sublime to me.

1:39 PM  

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