I Think It's Beautiful Linds (even if it is green)

(*NOTE: I've edited this a bit...had a tad bit more bitching to do before I could let this die. I'm over it now.)

When you watch your kid put her heart into something only to have it dismissed as unimportant and unworthy, it kind of makes you die a little inside for them. I keep fighting these little battles on behalf of Lindsay's self esteem but, within a two hour visit, he can batter her back down to nothingness. And he's her idol...she so wants to please him. Last visit, when asked if she was a good water skiier, he replied (in front of her, as well as others), "she could be I guess...if she tried harder". I watched her shrink into herself. No acknowledgement of how great she'd done (she had). Just "she needs to try harder" and "isn't good enough yet". Strong message to send to a 15 year old who's already battling depression and anxiety. Who's dropped out of school because she feels she "isn't good enough". Gee, I wonder where she ever got that idea? Bastard, doesn't he know she puts everything into anything she does for him?...it's all to impress him, yet nothing seems to. Nothing's ever good enough in Mr. perfect's eyes. When you're dealing with someone like that, nothing will ever measure up to his standards. She got up the first time she ever tried and let go with one hand to do a "wahoo rock on" sign. I think that's pretty spectacular. Don't tell her she didn't try hard enough because, if you knew anything about her, you'd know she gives everything 100%. But you obviously don't know that.

The cake sits here, untouched - he "didn't want it" so he left it behind. He said it's because he's sick, but I know the real reason - he watches every fucking thing he eats and cake is "forbidden". He wouldn't even have a spoonful because he's so vain that his waistline's more important than his daughter's heart. They're equally small apparently. Pffft.

We'd made an extra cake for us (to share with "Papa" and Uncle). And, with that one almost gone, Linds and I looked at each other tonight, giggled and said "good, more for us" at the exact same time as we dug into HIS cake. I try and keep it light, not put too much emphasis on his shitheadery - it just makes her feel worse in the end. After all, that's her father and she doesn't really want to hear that he's an asshole, even if he is (at times). She puts up a tough, "I'm o.k." exterior but I know that, underneath it all, each incident like this strips away a piece of her. It's not o.k.



(Now, to prove I'm not just a negative Nelly here...in good news, my Vancouver Giants won 9-2 tonight!! They lead the series 2-1 and are playing some fine hockey. Mr. Hockey must be proud of his boys)