Saturday, April 21, 2007

A Letter To My Team

Dear Canucks:

Remember when you used to have fun putting the puck in the net and winning? Well I had fun too and I'd really like it if you do it again.

The other team seems to be trying harder, skating faster, BREATHING? Why don't you do that? Don't get me wrong, I love you guys and will never jump off the bandwagon. Maybe in front of a train, but not off the bandwagon. But, seriously, WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE'D YOU HIDE MY TEAM?

Did you all smoke weed and eat Cheetos and ice cream before the game? Because I think the other guys drank Jolt and ate energy bars. We should try that.

I know you're better than them...please, go home and get a good night's sleep instead of playing poker and smoking cigars. Go to Church tomorrow and pray, pray, PRAY. Get on your knees for chrissake. And come Monday morning, make sure the equipment's good - no broken sticks, no dull blades. Maybe you could hire someone to handle that stuff?

I'll gladly come over and give you a pep talk in the dressing room Monday...I work until 5:30 - can be there by 5:52. Want me to bring coffee? Sugary donuts? Maybe I'll even slap you around because WE DESERVE BETTER HERE IN VANCOUVER. AND SO DO YOU.

I've seen 8,485,309 car flags in your honor today. If you don't win I'm going to personally collect them all, stitch them together and make a big sack and stuff you in it. Then run over you with each and every vehicle that they came off. I mean it. Your last chance here.

So c'mon guys, don't let it slip away. One game out of three...is that too much to ask? The Giants know how to do it...give 'em a call, maybe they can help.

I'll buy y'all slurpees after the game if you win. Promise. Maybe even some sour keys. C'mon, we need this.

Sincerely,
Deb.

4 Comments:

Blogger Toccata said...

Oh my gosh, that post was so funny. Man Deb, I wish I could write humour like you. That was awesome. I have been in such a grump slump ever since the final buzzer but your post perked me up! I think you need to send this into the paper.

I think Linds needs to bake them a hockey stick cake.

9:53 PM  
Anonymous kelly said...

i gather they lost?...i'm not the jinx i missed this game completely

excellent post by the way

10:59 PM  
Blogger junky said...

I always thought it was cloutier that was the choke artist maybe it's your whole team? at least you don't to be brutalized by a bunch of thugs that know they lost and feel the need to hurt people.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Sarcasm just comes naturally for me t/c....don't know if that's a good thing or not. A hockey stick cake...great idea. They'd probably appreciate more than *ahem* others.

kelly - nope, not your fault today. The truth is, they forgot to show up and Dallas looked excellent.

junky...I used to defend Clouts and get ridiculed for it?! Our team sits back when they're ahead and that just doesn't get it done. Been there, done that with those thugs...which is why I hate them.

9:31 AM  

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