Saturday, July 14, 2007

Well, here we go again. Today Dad goes for testing re his aneurysm and to find out how close to the crucial stage we are. Surgery's's just a matter of time and they're prolonging it as long as possible because he's recently been through the ringer and came close to dying. He needs to be stronger, so while this thing bulges like a ticking time bomb, we wait for the right moment. It's all too scary. Wednesday he goes for his cancer check - which is always an anxious time as well. He's my rock and, although it's really strange how we don't connect as much now that Mom's gone, I can't imagine this world without him. It's already a shocker not having Mom here.

You know, I take nothing for granted these days. Besides my kids, my Dad's my world and, after experiencing the shock of losing Mom, nothing's a given anymore. I didn't expect her to die, she's always bounced back from everything. And this time she didn't. The next week will be excruciating while we wait for results.

Again, I find myself questioning what this life's all about. I haven't been "enjoying" life for awhile - I've been working hard and being responsible and worrying about things. Before that I lived with K and, at times, that was no picnic. When I think about it, I haven't really been "living" for a long time. You know, really enjoying the moment rather than worrying my way through it with a "to do" list in my hand. So that's gonna' change real soon. With that being said, I'm off to the pool now with my tunes, a newspaper and a couple of hours that are earmarked "mine". The bathroom's been cleaned, vacuuming's done and I think it's time for some r & r.

Catch you in awhile. Enjoy your life, it's too damn short.


Blogger junky said...

Haven't quite got back to the enjoying things stage yet, but I defiantly don't things for granted as much.

3:41 PM  
Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

I sure hope that all goes well for your dad. Aneurysms can hang on for a very long time, and yes they certainly weigh the benefits with the risks before doing surgery, but it still is a worrying condition. My dad lived for many years with an aneurysm on his aortic artery, if that's any consulation.

I'm glad you are taking some time for yourself - you really should schedule some daily.

7:27 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

junky...yeah, it's a roller coaster ride alright.

Barb...thank you, those words have eased my mind a lot. The problem is that I don't very much trust the hospital because, as was the case with Mom (and Dad with cancer) it's not a given that they always get things right. And no news isn't always good news like we've thought in the sometimes just means they've forgotten about you with our overloaded medical system. So I thank you for that - mostly I get people who say "oh that's bad". One nurse at Mom's hospice even looked me straight in the face and said "he's gonna die". True story.

9:55 AM  
Blogger whitenoise said...

Best of luck with the tests, Deb. You always have so much on your plate, I hope it works out okay.

5:00 AM  

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