Would someone please get my ass back into work before I kill someone or blow something up? I'm dangerously unfocused and, quite frankly, a little lost without a daily routine.

Last night when I got in I decided to replace the lightbulb inside the back door because I'm fucking crazy I was 5 for 5 in the burnt out department and in complete darkness down there. That was working for a minute, as the light from the outside would stream in through the window and make things barely navigatable (I made that word up - don't look it up). But tonight, when I arrived home in the dark and that light had also bit the big one, I was forced to perform a bit of a blindman's obstacle course to get inside the back door and through the junk room. As amusing as that was, it just wasn't going to work for the long haul so I figured it was high time that I got to the daunting task of changing light bulbs. How many tired, overworked single mothers does it take to change a light bulb?...None. They won't fucking do it because they're too busy, so deal with it.

Anyhow, I'm going green so I'm currently replacing the regular, energy sucking 8 day bulbs with CFL's. The pack I opened was a 2 pack and I took them both out then thought, as I walked down the stairs into the darkness carrying them in either hand, "this is probably not a good idea...I should've just brought one down at a time". I then sloughed it with an afterthought, "yeah, right, like I can't even carry two lightbulbs at once. Heh.".

Fool.

I clambered up onto a chair and got the first lightbulb in place over the back door and then it happened....my brain froze (again). "SPLAT"....the other bulb dropped out of my left hand and exploded everywhere. Now, I've recently read up a bit on these bulbs and wasn't sure if they're the right way to go because they do contain mercury and can be quite harmful if broken. "But I won't break them"....my ever lyin' inner voice told me...it thinks that I'm capable and sure handed. (IT's an idiot and obviously knows nothing about me).

"OK, well this sucks". I couldn't remember what to do, other than air out the area and cry....the back door flew open as I ran up to the internet, which is what I do right before I call 911. I grabbed some gloves and went back down after 15 minutes of fresh air to begin the painstaking game of find the broken shards. Of course, there's carpeting and a whole pile of shit down there, so it was a needle in a haystack good time.

My favorite (only good) shoes were the worst victims...they were violently attacked and were riddled with pieces of broken bulb. It couldn't be the ugly camo loafers with a velcro strap (what WAS I thinking?)....NO, it had to be the shoes I wear every fucking day and feel like I'm not wearing shoes at all. I was forced to throw them out and will now be barefoot until I get my ass to the mall and I do that as often as I change bulbs, so I hope the snow has stopped for good.

Now, I'm not sure if you're all aware of this, but when you break one of these bulbs it's important NOT to vacuum it up...the vacuum will then send the dust everywhere and you will instantly die from inhaling the vapors (well, not really, but last night I thought so). Have you ever tried to clean up a carpet without vacuuming it?...it's like telling a person with their jaw wired shut that they can't use a straw. It ain't happening. Anyhow, after an hour and a half of colorful language (fuckenshiznickler is also not a word), I managed to get rid of anything that was in the line of fire. Getting rid of the carpet, a suggested remedy, was not an option, as it's wall to wall. I actually considering burning the place down...it would solve so many problems. Damn inner voice again.

I'm now re-evaluating the purchase of these hand grenades and am pretty much sold on the "fuck the environment" line of thinking and will go back to my favorite cheap bulbs. When I compare the two options, something that requires a HAZMAT team and sealed containers for disposal somehow doesn't seem environmentally friendly or a good idea to me. Plus, my kid's health over rules everything and I ain't saving the world until they're looked after. Sorry folks, just the way it is.

I did sort of over react (I think) when my Dad phoned last night and I was having a panic attack and was near tears. When he asked me what was wrong (yes, it was that obvious), I said "OHMYGODPLEEEEEEEEASESAVEME, I BROKE A BULB AND IT'S IN MY SHOES AND EATING THE FLOOR AND SUFFOCATING ME WITH IT'S FUMES AND I'M GONNNNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIE DAD". He quickly calmed me down - amazing how reasonable people can do that. And then I went on the internet and didn't feel like such a drama queen after reading the story about the idiot woman who sealed off her kid's room and then coughed up two grand to have a professional team come in and clean up the mess. It's a lightbulb lady. Even I know better.

So today's a new day and I woke up feeling much better, only to make a pot of coffee that is swimming in grounds. Then I sat down to respond to some comments and my blog rejected me as the armed, word verification police asked me the password for entry, which is a question mark. Ha, got me. I'm sure this all means GO BACK TO BED.

I need my happy place because the world's a scary place (when I'm in it). Something about being around 92 year old senile people in diapers makes me feel very at home and in my zone. This time off has nearly killed me.

I leave you with our aquarium pictures and please be in awe that I didn't fall in the shark tank. I rule, don't I?

Oh and click on them to make them bigger. Frickin' magic.







This was Lindsay's reaction when she saw this........
and apparently I need to buy her one for her birthday





..........Yes, I do tend to have that effect.....

"Ahhh, this is the life." Whitenoise?.......that you?
Dude, seriously.....I know how you feel.