Slapstick Plumbing
Update on the reno's from hell: it wasn't oil that they struck out in my front yard.
And they didn't find any gold either, damn it. The liquid was just water that got in the lines, which were some sort of power (yeow) and a cable from shaw. Now these jokers not only did this once, they managed to hit the lines twice in the span of an hour...making my yard look like the fourth of July. Hydro had just completed patching up what had been spliced the first time (and were still idling in their truck as they entered data onto their laptop) when Mario and Luigi somehow managed to jam their shovels into the lines AGAIN. I was at my computer when I heard a very loud "POP" and looked out to see smoke wafting up from the trench as Bozo No. 1 climbed out (somewhat rattled).
So a job that should've already been completed was barely getting started. The hydro patch job gobbled up an hour. The plumbers, who were being paid well I might add, were doing a very fine job of holding the flashlight so Mr. Power could get things up and running. By this time my neighbours were all flooding out to the front to find out why they had no power/cable. I sheepishly pointed at the three stooges (the two plumbers and the hydro guy, who admitted he was hungover from the previous night of pubbing). Somehow I felt a bit guilty - it was my place afterall. "I say we bring in the fucking wrecking ball and tear this joint down. Start over, from scratch. Anyone with me on this?" Apparently not. I thought it was a good idea.
After the hydro was up and running, Shaw arrived to patch up their cables and get people's tvs back on. People appear to get a little owly without their mid day tv....I didn't quite understand it (it was a gorgeous day - get over it).
That was Friday. Little was done on the actual plumbing (that was slated to be finished that day). But we were entertained by a dazzling light show.
Monday morning arrived and the plumbers were right on time, as good as their word - at eight a.m. the vans pulled up. I went about my business, confident that things would be up and running soon and the new water line would mean I could disconnect from my neighbours. They'd been very patient and I didn't want to push it. I needed to relinquish their hose so they could go about washing their car, which they do on a regular basis (unlike me - mine looks like a shit factory on wheels and is a crow/seagull magnet for some reason).
After a short time, I poked my head out to check on the progress out front, as I'd been doing all along....for some strange reason I'm feeling a little less than confident in the workers abilities (imagine that!). They weren't there, which I found kind of strange. I went to the back and couldn't believe that the saga was continuing - there were Dumb and Dumber, coat hangers in hand, trying to unlock their van (which they'd obviously locked the keys in). The van that contained all of their tools, meaning the work was again being delayed.
I worked this afternoon and wanted them out of here before I had to go....they were pushing it for time already.
After half an hour, they'd retrieved their keys (and their brains, I hoped) and got to work. More of the same - mess, screw and fuck ups by the second. They put the casing that goes down to the line right on top of it...it was supposed to be "seated" in a certain position (it had an opening for the water line) and they had it completely turned around backwards. They started to shovel the dirt back over to cover the hole when I noticed (thank God) and pointed it out....."oh yea, hardy har, yuck, yuck, silly me" (said the idiot). Do I have to supervise every fucking action here? I'm not a plumber....shouldn't you guys know this stuff?...it seems pretty basic to me. By this time I just wanted to get them the hell out of here so I hurried them along - "I have to leave for work" (in two and a half hours)...."I guess we'd better call it a day" (11:30).
So the progress is slow and unsteady. It's not even affecting me anymore - I've grown so accustomed to setbacks and problems that I almost expect them now. These renos may end up going into the Guiness Book of World Records for most hours spent doing absolutely fuck all.
I'm finding it comical at this point. I'm sitting back in my chair and being entertained by it all. Nothing can rock me anymore as I'm now made of steel. I've told them that I'm out there taking pictures and documenting everything so I can fix things myself next time. I half mean it. But the real reason is so I can nail their asses to the wall if (fingers crossed they don't) things go wrong.
Will keep you all posted.
And they didn't find any gold either, damn it. The liquid was just water that got in the lines, which were some sort of power (yeow) and a cable from shaw. Now these jokers not only did this once, they managed to hit the lines twice in the span of an hour...making my yard look like the fourth of July. Hydro had just completed patching up what had been spliced the first time (and were still idling in their truck as they entered data onto their laptop) when Mario and Luigi somehow managed to jam their shovels into the lines AGAIN. I was at my computer when I heard a very loud "POP" and looked out to see smoke wafting up from the trench as Bozo No. 1 climbed out (somewhat rattled).
So a job that should've already been completed was barely getting started. The hydro patch job gobbled up an hour. The plumbers, who were being paid well I might add, were doing a very fine job of holding the flashlight so Mr. Power could get things up and running. By this time my neighbours were all flooding out to the front to find out why they had no power/cable. I sheepishly pointed at the three stooges (the two plumbers and the hydro guy, who admitted he was hungover from the previous night of pubbing). Somehow I felt a bit guilty - it was my place afterall. "I say we bring in the fucking wrecking ball and tear this joint down. Start over, from scratch. Anyone with me on this?" Apparently not. I thought it was a good idea.
After the hydro was up and running, Shaw arrived to patch up their cables and get people's tvs back on. People appear to get a little owly without their mid day tv....I didn't quite understand it (it was a gorgeous day - get over it).
That was Friday. Little was done on the actual plumbing (that was slated to be finished that day). But we were entertained by a dazzling light show.
Monday morning arrived and the plumbers were right on time, as good as their word - at eight a.m. the vans pulled up. I went about my business, confident that things would be up and running soon and the new water line would mean I could disconnect from my neighbours. They'd been very patient and I didn't want to push it. I needed to relinquish their hose so they could go about washing their car, which they do on a regular basis (unlike me - mine looks like a shit factory on wheels and is a crow/seagull magnet for some reason).
After a short time, I poked my head out to check on the progress out front, as I'd been doing all along....for some strange reason I'm feeling a little less than confident in the workers abilities (imagine that!). They weren't there, which I found kind of strange. I went to the back and couldn't believe that the saga was continuing - there were Dumb and Dumber, coat hangers in hand, trying to unlock their van (which they'd obviously locked the keys in). The van that contained all of their tools, meaning the work was again being delayed.
I worked this afternoon and wanted them out of here before I had to go....they were pushing it for time already.
After half an hour, they'd retrieved their keys (and their brains, I hoped) and got to work. More of the same - mess, screw and fuck ups by the second. They put the casing that goes down to the line right on top of it...it was supposed to be "seated" in a certain position (it had an opening for the water line) and they had it completely turned around backwards. They started to shovel the dirt back over to cover the hole when I noticed (thank God) and pointed it out....."oh yea, hardy har, yuck, yuck, silly me" (said the idiot). Do I have to supervise every fucking action here? I'm not a plumber....shouldn't you guys know this stuff?...it seems pretty basic to me. By this time I just wanted to get them the hell out of here so I hurried them along - "I have to leave for work" (in two and a half hours)...."I guess we'd better call it a day" (11:30).
So the progress is slow and unsteady. It's not even affecting me anymore - I've grown so accustomed to setbacks and problems that I almost expect them now. These renos may end up going into the Guiness Book of World Records for most hours spent doing absolutely fuck all.
I'm finding it comical at this point. I'm sitting back in my chair and being entertained by it all. Nothing can rock me anymore as I'm now made of steel. I've told them that I'm out there taking pictures and documenting everything so I can fix things myself next time. I half mean it. But the real reason is so I can nail their asses to the wall if (fingers crossed they don't) things go wrong.
Will keep you all posted.
posted by Deb at 10:48 PM
4 Comments:
When you said you heard a 'POP' I though you meant that your laptop exploded or something, glad that wasn't the case.
Its so hard to get good people for these things. My parents always end up having to supervise things like that at their house too, very frustrating!
I hope it gets sorted out soon.
Good idea taking the picutres!
OMG, those guys really are a couple of chuckleheads aren't they? The way you wrote it, it was very entertaining. At least you and your friends are getting entertainment value from these guys. I hope it's all done soon!
If I didn't know better I would swear you were making this up because it is a helluva story. You really should consider submitting this to a magazine as a serial, because we all know you are nowhere near busy enough now that you are the Master Plumber around there.
"shit runs downhill" - what more do they need to know?
Good for you for your accepting attitude. 'Twill keep you healthy.
Thanks Barbara....I took some of the heat off the plumbers by telling them that they've been exposed to the curse of Deb. I've never had this happen before - where a rough period just keeps snowballing and Murphy's law keeps applying. I've exhausted all my negative energy and no longer have the capacity to worry (which isn't really a bad thing at this point).
Today was a good day. So I'm taking that as a sign of things to come!
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