Sunday, January 14, 2007

I Wrote This While Dad Was In Chemo.....

Now, with Mom facing her fate, I pulled it out and am sharing it here. I don't know why.

Tragic indignant
the final curtain
And as end nears
nothing is certain
As others go on
Choice ignorance
"too busy today"
so they sit on the fence
Frail & tired
your mind won’t keep still
wrinkles hold stories
of the opening bill
Faded photos
but only a few
don't tell it all
it’s stored deep within you
As it feeds on you slowly
just to knock you out cold
Death is a vulture
Heartless and bold
Cares not who you are
random selection
all even par
It comes unannounced
Doesn’t knock upon entry
Just barges right in
leaves you cold & empty
Mindlessly numb
unaware there’s a tear
too frightened to move
keeps you frozen in fear
Alone, in the dark
silent you cry
can’t make a sound
inside screaming "why??"
And amidst all the chaos
you struggle for answers
from the uninvited guest
who calls himself


Blogger Deb said...

(and the reference to "others going on, choice ignorance" is aimed at family members who were never there for Dad and, recently, Mom. Funny how that happens - Mom's sister who lives but a mile or two away, has NEVER taken her out in her wheelchair. She visits with neighbours who are one street away and they go for lunch/walks but have never included Mom. She brings pictures and shows Mom! Now, with Mom in hospital, they're using her room as a "meeting" place to get together before going for lunch. It's like a bloody social club in there that has nothing at all to do with being there for Mom. Although I wrote the poem during Dad's ordeal, it's more relevant now than ever for me. There, that feels better. Sorry guys, I obviously have issues with this)

11:53 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

(and, guess what?....I posted this already. Oh well, forgive me. I have a cousin in Saskatchewan who'll know who I'm referring to if she reads this. And, although she never comments, chances are she might. Hi Shell).

3:22 PM  
Blogger junky said...

Don't get me wrong here, but I think it boils down to how different people deal with someone close to them being ill, I've seen it quite a bit. I know it's infuriating to you, but maybe it's the only way her sister can deal with it. I'm not condoning it at all, I would tend to side with the way you deal with it actually. I'm just saying it is sometimes one of those "too each he's own" kind of things.

I linked you, I hope you don't mind, you were kind enough to leave me a comment and you may very well be the first person to even read any of that blog.

7:15 PM  
Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

That's a really powerful poem, Deb, but how awful that your whole family is not being supportive. That must be so hard and so frustrating.

8:17 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Hey junky, I'll link to you too. Glad you're here. And you make a good point.

Barb - it's pitiful the way some behave in this life.

11:04 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

Poetry sometimes provides the framework to it all, doesn't it?

9:15 AM  
Blogger Toccata said...

Again, I am just so sorry you are having to deal with all this. It would certainly make it easier if you had some help.

When my grandmother was sick my aunt never went to visit and after she died my uncle remarked that it was ridiculous that my mom did so much. I was stunned by that comment to say the least. In the car on the way home my mom turned to me and said, "Don't judge them harshly we each do what we can and what we need to do in order to find peace afterwards." On one hand I know she's right but I still think they should have done more.

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about Your mother & family situation Deb. Thanks for all your support on my new blog.This is another first. Take care.

7:10 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

thanks guys....don't mean to be such a whiner. No easy way to NOT incorporate what's happening in my life into this blog. I mean, it's all I'm doing these days so not much else to write about. I do appreciate the ongoing support and, while I often wrestle with whether or not to "update" you on things (burdening you with them), I feel it's a learning experience for me and perhaps someone else can take something away from it.

Not everyone's the same toccata and that was probably a very valid comment that your Mom made. I'm just a very outspoken person and can't understand family who don't pool together in a crisis and support one me, it's just a "given".

12:40 AM  

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