Saturday, February 03, 2007

For Lack of Material

I'm so tired that I may actually sleep tonight. It helps that Damien Rice is singing "sleep, don't weep". Each night when I see Mom she seems to get more "in tune" with things, providing a false sense of hope. Like I feel that she's getting better but I've no indication that she is. And I've been told she won't. But when I see her fitting things together like she was tonight.......

I take back what I said about the nurses, the ones tonight were super. Pampering her like she was in a spa. They love her because she causes no grief whatsoever...when they ask how she's doing she always answers "good". And she compliments their hair and every thing they do is "good" by her. The only crushing part was when she said "is everything o.k. Deb?". She asks me that every night as she worries about my kids and brother, who she hasn't seen much of. And she always asks me when it's been very quiet and I think she's sleeping...it catches me off guard. It shows that she's thinking while she's lying there. Tonight when I said "yes, everything's fine Mom" she threw in a twist and said "no, with me". I said "yes Mom, you have nothing to worry about, everything's fine" and she said "are you sure?", looking for reassurance. Again I lied and said she was o.k.

I never went to the oval because I left the hospital later than I'd planned...tomorrow I'm going to inspect. See what they're doing to my city. See if I need to bitchslap Mayor Malcolm.

Tonight when I got home I put my music on (like I always do) and Ty said, "my God, are you listening to Matt Good AGAIN". Well yes, I am. Because he is the best and if he were the marrying kind I'd marry him too. So he could sing to me all night. But he's damaged goods, so I can't.

Then I put on HOSAM for the 800th time today, because I could. And I sang it loud, just for effect. Then Ty left the room. Victory.

It's late but I have to stay up because Linds, the little nightowl, needs a ride home soon and guess who her taxi is? Moi. My computer sounds like a hovering UFO right now...that can't be good. Maybe it's been on too long. I'm scared to shut it down because I had the "blue screen of death" awhile ago. So now I only put it to sleep. It just takes naps, like me.

Very meaningless post from a very tired poster. I'm going for a makeover tomorrow...I'm looking tired. Very tired...this is what a couple of months of stress, no sleep and crying will do to a person. Well it won't really be a makeover (I wish), just a haircut. It's nearly down to my ass now, for chrissake. Here's my drop dead, fall on my face tired, straw hair that needs cutting shot. I seriously need a tune up. I go to other blogs and see people looking fresh and perky...blah, I hate you people.Kind of a Stepford Zombie "deer in headlights" thing going on here. Nice. Looks like I'm under hypnosis. And those bags have gotta go. Maybe I'll go on reality TV and let them suck stuff out and shoot it into my eye area. My hot "after" shots tomorrow. Should be much better. Tonight I'm a write off.

(Why am I posting pics, especially when I'm so run down?...I just find that lately I'm really enjoying the pictures that other people are posting...I find them extremely interesting. So I'm stealing it, I'm a copy cat. And this way when I get my hair cut and they totally fuck it up I can remember what I looked like before I was bald.)

I'm so incredibly boring these days...I need a life again. Maybe Nascar will sign me on. I dunno, something fun like that.

6 Comments:

Anonymous gledwood said...

Debs we have BIRDFLU here. I'm freakin'. I KNEW it would hit Britain 1st worst. It's killed 500 birds according to the BBC. (They might mean 500 culled but I think not the way they make it sound.) Man I'm emigrating.

To the moon.

PS Don't worry about eye bags I've had them since I was 10. People ask me how I got the black eye...

probably has something to do with my "habit" as well, no doubt.

Nice herbal hot baths, girl. And scented candles. And early nights for you. & stop thinking about that damn roof!!

5:15 AM  
Blogger whitenoise said...

It'll get better. May take a while, but there's always light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there!

6:27 AM  
Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

Deb, you are the funniest tired person I have ever encountered! Perhaps you should plan to only ever nap again (you and your computer) and you could get a gig as a standup comic.

Looking forward to the hot new Deb haircut pics!

I'm well used to my eyebags by now; it's the encroaching lip wrinkles that are making me feel ancient.

8:38 AM  
Blogger Women on the Verge said...

My heart goes out to you and your mom... I went through my own medical nightmare recently with a dear friend... it took me several weeks before I could write about it. I give you a lot of credit for being able to write about it while you're in the thick of it... sending white light your way and including you and your mom in my prayers.

11:11 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Gleds, don't worry. I know things will work out - the SARS thing was here awhile ago and we went through the same. And, with such a large Asian pop here - the Bird Flu is always a concern here.

thanks wn. I'm know it will. ;)

barb..glad i made you laugh. ty's the comedian in this house...my delivery is seriously lacking. I looked in the mirror last night...like REALLY looked and went, wow, I need a break. These bags need fixing - where the hell did they come from? I've only averaged three hours of sleep/night this week. So I have to take steps to resolve that and glass of red wine at night is my rx.

thanks wotv...i very much appreciate your kind words. Sorry to hear about your stuff...hope everything's o.k.

My personal story started unfolding about 5 years ago and has been steadily sliding downhill since. It seems to go that way...one thing leads to another and then one day you get through the tunnel. I'm hoping that day's coming soon. And before any more stress lines are added.

11:54 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

(oh and i think you're right gleds...nothing a few good nights of sleep and a little tlc/pampering won't fix! It's just all catching up with me...the fatigue I'm feeling is something I'm going to have to give in to soon)

12:39 PM  

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