Monday, June 18, 2007

I'm not having the best day today. I had to go for a pre-op EKG over at the hospital and I hadn't really thought about it much. I parked at the fitness center and walked over ('cause I'm a cheapskate and didn't want to pay $2.50/hour for parking) - I told myself it was because the exercise would do me good. But I was walking the same route I used to walk when I visited Mom. I haven't done it since she passed away and it hit me hard as I headed in to the hospital. I entered through the same door and had to take the exact pathway I used to take to visit her, right past the elevator that lead to her room. I thought I'd pulled it together when I got to reception, but as I was lying on the table they played a really sad song and that did me in. Staring at the same hospital ceiling that I'd stared at for months just brought it all home and a tear rolled down my cheek. And, of course, at that very moment the woman doing my EKG re-entered my space. I felt like an idiot...she said, "oh, don't be scared - you'll be o.k." and gave me a kleenex. So embarrassing.

I was so strong after Mom passed, but I feel like I'm buckling now. Anyhow, I will survive but, in the words of Long John Baldry, "it ain't easy".

So I thought my procedure would be early but it turns out it's at 2....I can't drink ANYTHING, not even a sip of water until after it's over. So that means from midnight tonight until about 5:00 tomorrow afternoon....GOD, I'LL SHRIVEL UP AND DIE I'M SURE. I can't go that long without water. I am not a fucking lizard.

I've also had to deal with the admins at Linds' school again today...the ones who are trying to pawn her off elsewhere. I'm meeting with them Wednesday morning and I may take my uzi. I know, not a good joke considering what's happening in schools these days, but I'm at the end of my line. I got the inside scoop on the VP who's giving me grief from a teacher friend of mine who's had experience with him. Turns out my initial impression of him is bang on...he's a self-centered, egotistical know it all who gets off on belittling people that he thinks are inferior to him. I love those kind...they don't scare me. I mean what's to say about a married man who has his OWN junior soccer picture hanging on his office wall instead of one of his wife or kids. It's true...a thirty year old picture of him in his knee high white socks, short shorts and Beatle's hair. Pretty sure I can win this one. He's the type of person who looks right through you to the window outside as you're talking and you know he's not hearing a word you're saying. And he wants to decide my daughter's future?....I think not. Funny, the school called in the help of a social worker from the children's ministry and she's totally cool. She "gets" us and is completely on board with my thinking and agrees that the school's dropping the ball and needs to formulate a plan specifically for Linds. She says our district still uses the same education plan that they've been using for 50 years and it's time they start bending a bit. So their plan kind of backfired because she's coming to the meeting as an ally for us. And they think she's their ace in the hole in getting rid of Linds. It's unfortunate because this has more to do with me than it does with Lindsay. One day I'll tell the story of how I fought the school on a major issue at the School Board level (and won)...they're obviously still pissed. Remind me to post about it next entry.

Anyhow...back to my poker game. I'm playing against a guy who calls himself Yorak Hunt....lovely. And another called GeorgePig who just flopped 4 kings. Oh oh.

Take care my friends...may not be around for a few...we'll see how things go tomorrow.


Blogger junky said...

I had a similar experience today, had to go pick up dads autopsy report (we had wires crossed and I had been waiting for it in the mail).
I was cool the whole way in and picking it up, then by the time I hit the door to leave I was crying like a little girl with a skinned knee and had the worst panic attack I've ever had. Bad times.

9:50 PM  
Blogger mellowlee said...

You take care of yourself Debs *HUG* Good luck with everything!!!

10:32 PM  
Anonymous kelly said...

best wishes Deb..on everything

10:43 PM  
Blogger whitenoise said...

All the best, Deb.

10:50 PM  
Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'll be thinking of you today, Deb and hoping all goes really well. I will break out a huge glass of water at 5:00 in solidarity. How can you go that long without water? Yikes!!

It sure doesn't sound like your school is being supportive. Don't they have IPPs in place there?

5:14 AM  
Blogger Mike M said...

Hugs Deb. I hope it gets better.

8:10 AM  
Blogger Allison said...

I hope you're feeling a little better now Deb. Thinking of you :)

9:34 PM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Don't let the bastards get you down!

6:05 AM  
Blogger Wayward Son said...

Moms fighting for their children's best interests? Who would a thought?

Very Harper Valley PTA! You go!

My mom died almost eight years ago and STILL grief sneaks up on me when least expected... or sometimes when I should be expecting it and, for whatever reason, I am not. Maybe that is why grief unfolds over time.—so it won't take you down totally.

Despite not always commenting, I do keep up with what's going on here. (it's a friendly lurk!)


5:54 PM  
Blogger mellowlee said...

Hey Lady, how are things going? XO

9:55 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

thanks guys...a quick check in. Yesterday was awful and I spent most of the day with my head in a bucket....they gave me oj when I came out of the anesthetic and that didn't sit well with me at all...affected me all day. I was also in a lot of pain and nothing was helping. Today it's all good though...worked this afternoon. Am really tired so this is an overall "hello" and thanks for the well wishes to all of you. Good night, got some zzz's to catch up on (not many last night).


10:29 PM  
Blogger mellowlee said...

Thanks for the update Deb! I'm sorry it was so horrid, but glad it's over and done with and you are feelin' better YAY. Take care *HUGZEZIZ*
Love ya!

6:49 AM  
Blogger tkkerouac said...

Take Care Debs, you are a strong women, things will work out!

10:02 AM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

hope u feeling better by now

12:10 PM  
Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

Thanks for letting us know. Hope you're way better now.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

Thanks for the update Deb, feel better :)

5:57 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

thanks my girls (and boys)

1:06 AM  

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