For the love of Jesus, what, on earth has my life become?

I was going to post a lovely "catch up" of what I've been doing lately - mostly hockey related stuff (Superskills, Giants game, etc. All good, fun stuff with my kids).

But I fear I've much more important things to talk about.

Like my brawl at the laundromat tonight.

Yes, it's true. Police and everything.

And please, before you judge me, know that I am not really a hooligan. For the most part, I'm a happy go lucky, cooperative girl who doesn't drink, spit on the sidewalk or even like soccer. I'm pretty level headed (except when driving in traffic) and have NEVER resorted to fighting as a means to solve my problems. Ever. I don't even like hockey fights. I can usually talk (and smile) my way out of anything. People love me and I make friends, not enemies. But tonight was different and I had no choice. I had to lay the smack down.

Here's what went down.

I was tired. Had a busy day today and was at the tail end of it. Took the tree down to Garry Point for chipping (knew I should've headed straight to my rock, but didn't). My last stop was to be the laundromat...I was hoping to make it quick because I had some steaks marinading at home and was eager to get back to a nice dinner.

I went to the laundromat down by my Dad's after I'd stopped in at his place. Not my usual spot, where everyone's kind and the owners shower me with gifts. My happy place. Oh no, that would be too easy. Tonight I had to live dangerously.

As I entered this strange place (o.k., I've been there a couple of times before), I was pleased to see that there were only a couple of people in it and quickly noticed that two of the larger washers were free. Oh joy, that's good - I can put about 80 pounds in those suckers. I set some of my stuff down in front of one of them and headed outside to get the rest. It was then that IT arrived. Bitchzilla. A very big buxom blonde in a vinyl/leather black coat, black pants, black boots - strutting her stuff like she was all that and a bag of Doritos. She reminded me of Joey's agent in Friends....you know the one. Full of self importance. I knew IMMEDIATELY that she was trouble. She sauntered in like Mrs. America and threw her laundry basket down in front of the other free (larger) washer, where I already had some stuff. I'd planned on using it and was there before her, but thought I'd be nice and "share", so I took some of my stuff to the smaller washers. There were several of them free. I'd placed a couple of my things in the large washer that I'd claimed beside her but thought I'd let this steamroller get her stuff in before I'd move in to finish mine. There just wasn't room enough for me and her big ego over there.

So I was going about my business at the smaller washer when Bitchzilla went out to retrieve the rest of her stuff from her car. She glared at me as she left. It was upon her return that she looked over at me and shouted across the laundromat "I suppose you think you're taking all the little fucking washers too?". To which I said, "watch your language. I've given you a big one and, for the record, there are still some small ones available over here for you". Should've been the end of that. Out of the 7 available small washers, I was leaving 3 for her. And one that had someone's clothes in it. I really wanted to say "fuck you bitch, I was here first", but I've promised Tyler that I'll be a kinder, gentler Mom and try and curb my anger. For some reason he thinks my mouth gets me in trouble?

It was at this point that I overheard her say to the attendant "it's going to be one of those fucking days again". Again? She'd done this before? You see, I usually don't have this problem at the laundromat. It's a pretty simple formula...I get here and put my stuff in a washer. Then you do the same. Not really too difficult...but, apparently, for some it is. I was pretty shocked at her behavior. There was nothing leading up to it...she just entered the room in an aggressive, confrontational state. And when I'm doing laundry, I don't do well with that.

Anyhow, the next thing I know Roseanne's yelling back over at me again as she gestures towards the items I have in the large washer beside hers...

"Is this your shit here?". She knew it was - my laundry basket was right beside it/her.

"Yep".

"Well if you don't come and finish filling this washer in two minutes I'm taking it out and using it".

Pardon me?

"That's my washer and when I'm done sorting my clothes, I'll be using it. Until then, worry about your own laundry, not mine".

Twenty seconds went by when all of a sudden I see Amazon woman grabbing my clothes from out of my washer and throwing them on the floor!!

Oh it's on now. The gloves come off.

I went over and picked them up and said "don't touch my clothes again". And as I went to put them back into the washer, she shoved into me and pinned me up against the washer door. Was she for real? Dressed up like a (wannabe) business exec, acting like street trash? I almost couldn't believe what was happening. Two adults, fighting over washers! At least I was dressed the part.

It was then that I lost it and shoved her away from me. I growled "I've had one fuck of a day lady and I'm in no mood for this". I wasn't lying.

She mimmicked me a bit and then moved out of the way. I turned to go back to the smaller washer to finish there when she grabbed a metal laundry cart and jammed it into my side.

Did she really just do that? Am I dreaming? In the WWE? Or F? Or whatever the hell it is now. How DOES the Sharpshooter go again?

I probably should've just hit her over the head with a metal chair at that point and ran with the wrestling thing. Game over.


I lost it. Completely. Believe me, she could've cleaned my clock...but when I'm mad, look out. I can take down houses. And you don't screw with my laundry. I don't like doing it in the first place.

I rammed it back into her, twice as hard, and said "that's assault and if you do it again you'll be sorry. I don't come here to put up with this shit and I won't". Then I went and looked at my boo boo on my hand. :(

Again, I've never had a fight in my life and tend to get along with everyone. But this creature was unmanageable and just struck a nerve with me. I think I took out all of 2007 on her...she made it easy.

I went back to the small washers and it wasn't long before she followed me over there, to exchange more pleasantries. By this time I was embarrassed at what was unfolding and had apologized to the other patrons, who seemed to sympathize with my situation. What I'd learn later was that this lunatic was a "regular" and everyone there hated her. She'd had physical fights (with men even) on more than one occassion and was always bossy and bitchy and acted like she owned the place. The owners were scared to bar her. I didn't get that memo. But the general consensus was that the people there were glad that I was standing up to her because people rarely did.

It was apparent to me that I was dealing with someone a few cards short of a deck and despite the fact that I was madder than hell, I knew I should probably let this thing die down at this point. It was getting kind of ugly.

She, on the other hand, was ready to rumble.

I ignored her for some time and thought she'd given up when I overheard her say something about punching my face as I walked by to fill the big washer. That was it. I snapped, she snapped and the next thing I know the police were there. Four of them, in two cars.

When they arrived, they questioned me first (outside). She came struttting out at that point and pulled attitude with one of the cops. She'd lit a cigarette and he asked her to put it out, to which she challenged him. He was NOT impressed. Good move brainiac. Now the cops are REALLY on my side.

Anyhow, long story short....the police interviewed the other patrons, as well as the attendant. They all stated that the woman had been the instigator and was obnoxious and that I'd tried to be reasonable and had, in fact, shared the washers (despite the fact that I was there before her and wasn't obligated to do so). They confirmed that I'd done nothing wrong and that the woman had come in looking for trouble.

The police then made the decision to "remove" her and as I snickered to myself, they had her retrieve her wet clothes from the machines and escorted her out, instructing her NOT to return. They said it was probably best that I not lay charges because the woman had a blue, swollen hand and had blamed it on me. My guess is that she was probably fighting before she even arrived. Classy.

I then continued on with my laundry and the attendant told me she'd stay a half hour longer so that I could finish. The other patrons came over and we laughed at what had happened....they told me they couldn't stand the woman and that she lived nearby.

Eventually everyone else was done and had cleared out and it was just the attendant and I. She'd locked the doors, as it was now "afterhours". We continued talking and she told me that this woman was a nightmare and this was a regular occurence with her and that she'd been rude to her friends who'd just arrived from the Phillipines and didn't speak much English. She said the owners were afraid to ban her because she'd cause even more of a disturbance, so they just put up with her crap.

I was nearly ready to leave when all of a sudden I noticed that psycho bitch was back at the front door...she'd returned!! She was standing at the glass, banging to get in. The attendant went over and told her that she was closed and couldn't open up. Frankenfemale argued for her to let her in, pleading that she needed to dry her wet clothes. The attendant instructed her to leave them there and that she'd do it. We then called police again, as the woman obviously wasn't getting the message and I'd become concerned for our safety upon leaving.

She left before police arrived and the constable was NOT impressed. She informed us that the woman had been drinking and that she was now going to track her down and charge her with impaired driving.

The clerk from the little store next door came out and questioned us about the police cars. He recognized me (my Dad shops there a lot) and he told me the woman's crazy...that she fights a lot. And that he's had to phone police on her three times. He said she probably didn't take her meds. Just my luck, to "befriend" her.

When I finally was done and left the laundromat, I was pretty scared in the dark parking lot. And I'll be damned if there weren't two dark shadows, smoking cigarettes around the corner. It looked like the psycho lady but I hurried to the car and didn't look back. I dropped clean clothes in a mud puddle in my rush to get in the car. Damn it.

I hate laundry and now even more than ever.

I was going to make this a good, happy post. It's just not possible (yet).

AAAARGGH F#@*%$#)$#(%@*&@$*&