Sunday, August 24, 2008

What I've Learned About 17 Year Olds

They are always pissed off. From the time their feet hit the floor (between 1-3 p.m.), until the time they sleep. And they are like bats...they sleep upside down.

When they tell you they need a ride in half an hour, in actuality that means anytime between RIGHT NOW and 4 days from now. But you'd better be ready.

They hate you. It doesn't mean they won't still accept gifts, rides and cash from you. But just fuck off - they hate you.

Throwing things is their way of you'd better learn the fine art of dodge, duck and GTFO.

They can show you endless drawings, poetry, YouTube clips, hangnails and other things that they've done or find interesting. But they don't give a flying fuck what you like. It's boring. Don't bother.

You are not allowed to ask them questions. It burns their eyes and they may inflict physical harm on you. JUST DON'T ASK. Better yet, don't speak in their presence, as your voice is reportedly 12 decibels too loud for them. STFU.

Seniority don't mean squat. When there's a 17 year old in the house, you lose. This includes any rights you have to the phone, TV, computer, remote controls and fridge contents. Everything belongs to them and you forfeit everything because they are faster, stronger, sleeker and smarter than you'll ever be. Dumbass.

Clothes can only go on the floor. Drawers are meant for broken bits of eyeliner, sticky change and old bus transfers. Don't fuck with the system.

Don't ever comment on their unkempt hair...they work for hours on it. If a spider crawls out, it's part of the program.

Don't try and be cool around them. They'll shoot you down with lazers from their cellphones. Or outta their eyes, if they're already texting friends (which is likely).

I will be adding to this.

Today's one of those days that I should just quit while I'm ahead. Or drum on rusty propane tanks with'd probably be safer than dodging daggers in this PMS household. SOS.


Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

Some of those points I have to agree on - the clothes on the floor, the moodiness, and the tendency to claim all things, but I haven't really experienced most of the other things from the resident 17 year old. Watch, I'll have just jinxed myself by saying that.

7:38 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Barb...she may be strategically planning to blindside you at any given time. Be on your guard, that's all I'm saying.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

Did my mom write this? ;)

One thing I can say having been a 17-year-old girl not that long ago, is that she doesn't hate you. It may seem like that, but its not the truth. However, one only realizes this fact in a few years.

I had a very tumultuous relationship with my mom growing up - mainly because there was no privacy in my house - but its gotten so much better in the past five years. Due in large part to me moving out. Sometimes you need the distance to make you realize you've got it pretty good.

2:22 AM  
Blogger Whitenoise said...

This made me laugh. Although my oldest is only 14, I can relate. Make sure you add in something about not taking "no" for an answer and the deluge of twisted logic that attempts to convince you that your ways are just crazy.

To make things worse- at 6'1" on his way to about 6'4", he just passed me in height. There's something about looking UP to the insolent laggard that just makes it even more of a piss-off. Good thing I can still beat him up...

2:40 AM  
Blogger Phaedra said...

Ah, the 17 year old. They are a breed of their own. I can't even offer advice as a I was radical, hard to handle 17 year old myself. Just to let you know, I have actually apologized to my mom for all those years of hellish life in our household caused my me. It'll come one day. She really does love you, it's just hard at that age to express anything with some sort of sanity.

We need to get together for a glass of wine soon. I can come to you. Hugz.

12:36 AM  
Blogger Deb said...'re absolutely right and I have to keep reminding myself of how my Mom and I clashed when I was 17.

You're wise beyond your years.

w/n...good points! And, even though Lindsay's all of 100 pounds, she packs a good wallop! Truth be told, she scares the living bejezus out of me at times.'s funny how maturity has us see things in a different light, isn't it? I, too, made amends with my Mom for being so horrible when I was that age. And I REALLY was.

I'm totally up for the wine thing...I have a hectic week at work and then I see things settling down somewhat. Fingers crossed on that.

12:57 PM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

I all-2-clearly remember late-teenage years. The pits!

5:12 AM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

(also the ARMpits...)

11:43 AM  
Blogger Whitenoise said...

Hey... hope all is well!

4:46 AM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

how's it going, Debs? C'mon post some more pretty please... ;->...

1:49 PM  

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