Monday, September 22, 2008

Well isn't the back to school bug fun? I don't even go to school, yet I'm battling something ferocious. Luckily, I must have a kickass immune system because nothing keeps me down or hits me too a hard. Poor Linds - she's another story. Now you know a 17 year old's really sick when she calls on a Saturday night (early) and says "come and pick me up...I don't feel well at all". After puking her guts out, she slept for 17 hours....that was 17 hours of me staring at her in worry, wondering if it was her appendix or something serious. There's a fine line between jumping the gun and running into emerg before it's necessary and waiting something out too long. My theory is that I keep a close eye on things and constantly ask..."do you think you need to go?". My kids (?) are both old enough to have a handle on the severity of things and have been down the 15 hour emergency room wait road before, so I use them to gauge things. Not 100% - sometimes I have to overrule. But, in general, it's a good system we have.

Anyhow, I had two days of real ugly depression...when people around me are sick, it takes its toll on me. Sickness has been so prevalant in our family of late that it just knocks me on my ass when someone I love is suffering...even if it isn't something life threatening. Today I feel great...Linds is perking up and I'm off to Dad's to do some much needed weeding. Mostly, that's like meditation to me, as I lose myself in the garden and clear my head.

My brother has really disappointed me and I won't delve into it too deeply because it wears me out. But, through all the years I stood beside him when he was at his worst, he drops me like a bad habit if I say something he doesn't want to hear. Mostly, he's using me for a scapegoat right now to pawn his kid off back to his mother....long story, but they've been bouncing my nephew back and forth between them, as they're both "too busy" to really be hands on, committed parents. He's said that the "turmoil" between us (a one shot, 20 minute argument...the first we've had since he's been clean) is the reason he's sent his son packing back to his mother. I know the truth is that his girlfriend was competing for his time and attention and it was weighing heavily on's hard to have a 14 year old at the best of times, let alone when you have an unsupportive partner. When his son moved in with him, she moved out. It spoke volumes to learn a lot about people when push comes to shove. Bottom line - my brother's always been a doormat. He's a great catch - he is loyal to the point of blindness and he will bend over backwards to please his s/o....he got taken to the cleaners once already (which is why he lives at my Dad's - he's trying to get back on his feet). He now fully supports his girlfriend, who likes "the good life" and seems to have no conscience about taking without giving. She even sponged off Dad when she was this day, she owes him a substantial amount of money but seems like she has no intention of ever paying it back! He loaned her money to buy a van and she was intially paying him $200/month but he hasn't seen a dime since she moved out last winter...doubt he ever will. He writes it off and says it worth it to have her out of there...I see it a little differently and think she should, in fact, have to eventually pay for it. I have zero respect for people like that...all in all, I liked her until I got to know her. She treats my brother horribly, yet his way to fix that is by buying and doing more for her. I wish he could see that he's his own worst enemy in all of this - that the more he does, the more is expected. I stay out of that part of it - it's his deal. But the thing with my nephew was what started everything...I bit my tongue as long as I could. And, in reading his Facebook status and picking up on things that the kid was in trouble, I had to do something.

Anyhow, I feel for my brother deep down...I don't like to see him in chaos like this, but also am frustrted that his loyalties are displaced as he chooses his girlfriend over his son. There shouldn't be an ultimatum involved...a good relationship would mean you could have both. I know why he's lashing out at me - because he can. I think he's frustrated with his girlfriend, yet won't stand up to her and so I get the backlash that he'd like to direct at her...I'm the scapegoat. Because he knows that, no matter what happens, if he really needs me - I'll be there. Anyhow, his son is temporarily back with his mother so the girlfriend can have 100% of his undivided attention.

So much for not delving, huh?

When it comes to kids, I can't turn a blind eye. I've been through this before - my aunt (who was more like an older sister to me) went off the deep end when her marriage broke up. She had 3 kids before she was 20 and when they were young, she began drinking and ended up in the throws of full blown alcoholism. I stepped in (I was 16) and pretty much raised her kids for a summer. When it came time for me to return to school, I called the Ministry on her. I warned her before I did so..she laughed at me and challenged me to do it, so I did. Best decision I ever she says she was in a blackout for a year and doesn't remember any of it. She's a great Mom and, to this day, they're my closest relatives apart from my immediate family.

Anyhow, was only meaning to do a quick "update"...but you know me by now. ;)

All in all, life is good - hectic, but good.


Blogger Whitenoise said...

Glad to hear that you're good. Too bad about your brother, good on you for helping out the son and saying the things that need to be said.

7:10 PM  
Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

That must be really hard to witness all that is going on with your brother and his family. I hope things turn out well.

7:28 PM  
Blogger Phaedra said...

I hope during all this that you aretaking care of yourself. That's a lot for anyone to deal with. Hugs :)

7:28 AM  

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