Thursday, August 02, 2007

A quick hello.

I have a pretty important post tomorrow and after that we'll see what happens.

I'm devastated tonight...although we had good news the other day regarding Dad, today a follow up test is not so good. I knew it...he had an appointment this morning and I asked him to call me at work to fill me in. I never got that call.

He's ready to give up. Like losing his wife of nearly fifty years wasn't enough. Fuck.

I went for a long ride and cried my eyes out behind my sunglasses. As I sat on my rock in the sun an overwhelming sadness fell over me. I was sitting in the very heart of where it all happened - Mom and Dad grew up together in these parts. Everyone in this town knows them. Everything is connected to a story about them. Losing both of them just isn't even something I can comprehend....I still haven't even begun to digest Mom not being here. Everything I pass on my ride reminds me of both of them and tonight it was too much. I haven't allowed myself too much time to grieve over Mom. I'm starting now.

Dad's voice told the story...he was quiet, withdrawn, empty. Papa's usually the joker - the glue that keeps it all together. He needs me now, bigtime and if I'm not around much, chances are I'm with him. He wants to go transfer the house over to me next week...although it's sensible to "take care of business", I just don't want to. I feel like talking and planning will make it all happen. Our track record isn't so great lately.

I'm not giving in to this...he'll be o.k...he has to be.

13 Comments:

Blogger kelly said...

Wow Deb thats heartbreaking, first your mom and now this. Other than best wishes, not much to say.

One thing. I remember you saying something a while ago about your ex-husband ( is he officially an ex?) still having some rights or claim over your house...Is there any way he can claim anything if your dad transfers the house to you?

And I came on hoping to gloat over the Riders beating the Lions....

take care

11:15 PM  
Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm so sorry for your bad news, Deb. I wish there were something I could say to make everything alright. It's been such a bad year for your family.

I do think your dad is being wise, making plans now and while it must be very difficult for him and for you to deal with all this on top of losing your mom recently, hopefully this will bring him some peace of mind.

7:40 AM  
Blogger Alana said...

You're a fighter Debz, and you've learned from the best. Don't forget that.

Love you.

<3

4:46 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

Oh, Deb I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you all right now. Please take care, we're thinking about you. Big hug.

7:53 PM  
Blogger junky said...

Everything happens for a reason, you just may not see the forest for the trees yet. I know at a time like this that sounds like utter bullshit though, so just keep your head up and keep going.

Now I will sound like a huge pragmatist, for your father to put everything in your name is by far the best thing for you, it doesn't mean he has given up he is just being smart and making it easier for you should something happen.

Damn I'm not very funny when I'm serious huh? :)

6:49 PM  
Blogger Wayward Son said...

It's been my experience with people close to me, who understood that their time here was coming to an end, that they were about preparing for that time for themselves and the ones they loved. It wasn't the most joyful time but it was the most meaningful. Every situation has an opportunity for something meaningful. I know, that's a sucky platitude but there you have it. You have a good bunch of friends who are thinking of you in the best of ways as you deal with this part of how life is.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Thank you, to all of my friends here.

We're waiting on a CAT scan and then we'll know more of what's happening.

Until then, I'm refusing to get too worried...it doesn't help anyhow.

So we've decided to just "go with the flow" and take whatever comes our way.

You've all been so helpful to me with your kindness and I want you to know that it really helps...sorry to keep dragging you all down with this stuff. I just thought you deserve an explanation on why I'm not making it around the blogosphere much and haven't been keeping up with some of you...that and the fact that it's summer and we're all on the go and busy.

I have 5 days off, which will give me a little extra time.

Again, thank you...you all mean the world to me.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Toccata said...

Oh Deb I am so very sorry. I agree with Alana, you are a fighter and you will get through this. Take care and check your email!

12:38 PM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

I agree with Alana.

Maybe he just feels his time has come?

That's not necessarily "giving up" as accepting that every story has a beginning, middle ... and end

except, to be quite honest, I never have believed the end WAS the end

sorry I really don't mean to be depressing but that is how I see this

take care Debs my thoughts are with you

2:19 PM  
Blogger whitenoise said...

Hey Deb, sorry to hear that some of the news was bad. I'm crossing my fingers that something good comes of it.

About the pragmatic bit and what Kelly mentioned. Whether this is your Dad's time, or not, maybe you should help him clean up his loose ends.

And- please get legal advice to make sure that your ex doesn't get his claws on your parents' estate. For example- if his name is still on a joint bank account -he has a claim to whatever passes through that account, regardless of where the money came from... (One of my colleagues learned that the hard way.)

3:39 AM  
Blogger HAR said...

It is always so hard when your dad may be sick and there is little you can do. I'm sorry that this is happening to all of you right now. Wishing you get to enjoy a small bit of peace today and good news overtakes bad.
I went through this with my own dad at 57 years young. You WILL get through this. It just sucks.

3:48 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

kelly & whitenoise...

Thank you so much for your input/concern re this...it is very much a worry for me.

Although I took his name off the account, I still am not sure of what would happen if something were to happen to me. I'm planning on following up with this, but am a bit scared of the wrath I'll encounter.

This is the predicament...he walked out with his "half" of things as he saw fit...which included the RRSP's, the jeep, the boat, the new TV, etc. Everything but the debt incurred mostly by him and for some of those things. So I'm still paying for it all.


When we purchased this place, I put the d/p on it by selling property I owned in the US. He had $0. But, I was in love and so I (blindly) put his name on the title along with mine.

He left me with the mortgage and a $25,000 second mortgage (that was mostly used to "clean up" some of his bills...he'd had some legal issues in his younger years and lawyers don't come cheap). So I'm paying for everything (taxes, maintenance, etc.) and he pays nothing. Yet his name's still on the title. He refuses to have it removed and feels he's "entitled" to half. He's been out of here for nearly 10 years and has contributed nothing since he left.

I also worry that if something happens to him, all the credit card bills he's racking up now would become my responsibility.

Obviously my goal is to assume some sort of stability for myself and the kid's future. If he did get ahold of things, he'd be on a shopping spree tomorrow and they'd get nothing in the end.

The time's come to sort it out. But I have fears over doing so. :)

10:53 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Sorry that I never took the time to address each one of you individually. Things are settling down now, so I'll be able to focus a bit more here.

Thanks again, to all of you. Your support means so much and is really helping me through what is the most difficult period of my life.

And welcome to "har"...always nice to see someone new has joined our posse!

10:56 AM  

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