Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Tis The Season....

Who goes grocery shopping for a family of 3 and spends $439.00? (And still needs tin foil & dish soap!!!.)

So Merry Christmas Linds....dont'cha love your new bagels?

Ty....here's that new pudding you've always wanted.

Actually I did splurge on some Bailey's Irish Cream chocolates (kinda pricey). I was going to give one box away but Ty's already sampling them so I'm quite sure that, come Christmas time, we're going to have to open the other box too. It's the law in this house...once chocolate enters here, it can never leave.

Christmas is breaking me...I love it, but I wish I was rich. Or not poor even. I've only started shopping and one of my problems is that I give gifts early and then need to go buy new ones. Not good on the budget at all, but a helluva lot of fun.

In other Christmas related news:

Today at work two men pulled up in a truck and proceeded to unload a nice, fresh (live) Christmas tree. I had no idea who they were and had never seen them before (nor had any of the other merchants). They had heavy (Scandinavian?) accents and semed to be awfully jolly. (Drunk?) They brought the tree in and then started carting in bags of brand new decorations and that's where the fun began. Understand here - Bjorn and Johan looked like they were ready to chop logs to build a ski chalet in their work overalls, boots and toques - but apparently they'd come to "decorate"? I went about my business and they set off to work. I glanced over on occassion and gave them a thumbs up as they bumbled along. Things quickly became comical, as it was obvious that they had no clue how to decorate a tree. A lot of standing around looking at each other, head scratching, walking back and forth to the truck, belly laughs and wise cracks and even a few cell phone calls (to get direction I'm sure).

They started off well enough - they untied the tree, put it in a stand (no water mind you) and put a lovely star and some blinking lights on. Really should've just stopped there. The girls (hairdressers) and I were impressed - this was far nicer than the plasic tree we have every year. But what came next was nothing short of a catastrophe and may well have been treeslaughter.

Bjorn grabbed the fake snow and started spraying like a maniac...he went a little blizzard on us. He was coughing and spraying and I'm quite sure he should've worn a gas mask...he held the can straight armed out in front of him, head back and eyes closed. Yikes. Where the hell's my tazer when I need it?

In no time at all, he'd turned the lovely green tree completely white. Murdered it.

Then Johan got excited and started zap strapping ornaments on. He must've really liked one spot (down low) because 22 of the 28 ornaments ended up there. Then came the tinselly garland stuff and, oh Lord, it was bad. They didn't drape it around or make nice, uniformed scallops. No, they were men so they heaved it on in big, manly clumps. Some of it just got caught up on the top and went straight down to the bottom and hung on the floor. Beautiful. It looked like a puking tree. It was absolutely hideous. It then dawned on me that someone had sent drunk janitors over after the Christmas party to put up a tree for us.

The color scheme was something to behold:

Tinselly garland:
1) Two strands of gold
2) Two strands of green
3) One fancy gold, with leaves
4) One silver/black combo

Ornaments: blue / red /silver / purple

Nice. We've covered every possible combination now.

Then the final touch....you know those molded white plastic shapes of candy canes, bells and candles that have lights on them and are to hang in windows and on balconies? They had one. And they finished off by hanging it on the bottom of the tree (with a zap strap), so that it weighed the branch down and it was almost touching the ground. I think I felt Martha Stewart wince.

One of the hairdressers ran out of the shop at this point, cornered me and then whispered (in a panic) "who the hell ARE these guys?". Then she had me reassure her that we could "fix" the tree when they left.

I thought Team Christmas had finished at this point, but they then took turns standing in front of their masterpiece and took pictures for twenty minutes. They were as proud as shit and I found them hilarious. One joked to me "who made this nice tree, hey?" and I really wanted to say "a blind man with no fingers?". But I didn't.

I wish I'd had my camera.

It was extremely amusing to watch these two - they were as clumsy as hell and they'd look at each other and shrug, as if in approval. They made calls on their cells (to confirm that purple went with green?). It took them 4 hours to do a 20 minute job. And, the minute they left, I went over and undid the entire tree and then redid it (minus the black/silver combo).

So I'm starting to feel the Christmas "spirit" now, thanks to two 7 foot elves in a white pickup. Bless their big, burly hearts - they tried.


Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

"a blind man with no fingers" Ha! Good one!

Wow, I see them come anywhere near here, I'm locking the door.

Did you really redo the tree? Double ha!

5:21 AM  
Blogger Emperor Ropi said...

wow you spent even more than my mother

8:00 AM  
Blogger Whitenoise said...

funny. ;-) Yeah, you have to get a picture to post for us...

11:11 AM  
Blogger Allison said...

Yes, I'm needing a picture to make this tree come alive. My tree is going to be 2 ft, but it shall be my first xmas tree...trees grow over the years, right? ;P

4:18 PM  
Blogger mellowlee said...

Oh maaaaan. Deb, you are hilarious, and thanks for sharing that Christmas tree story :O)

I'm in big trouble, cause payday is Friday and I haven't started shopping yet. My other problem is, that I too have a hard time keeping the gifts secret until Christmas. Maybe I will get a coworker to hold on to them until the holiday arrives!!!

9:35 PM  
Blogger Barbara Doduk said...

weeee Christmas-y indeed.

I have created a new blog award called The Spreader of Love Award from The Love Blog. I have picked you to be one of the first 10 blog people to get one because you are awesome.



11:27 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Barb...I did redo the tree. It's not great, but an improvement over the man tree.

ropi...I know, it WAS alot. I was kind of shocked when she tallied it in. My friend works there and she came over from her till to comment.

whitenoise...well the pictures won't capture the beauty (?) of the tree now because I fixed it. But I certainly wish I had my camera at the time...priceless.

Allison...two foot trees rock. If I had my way around here, that's what we'd have. But Linds usually goes out with her Dad to get one and they cart home a 7 foot monster most years.

Mel...that's a good idea with the coworker. I have a room downstairs where I usually stash the stuff but since the watermain broke (and they haven't come back to fix the inside yet), it's a bit of a mess down there. So I have to find a Plan B.

Barb...you are so sweet, thank you. I'm coming over to check it out (and RSVP re the cheesecake thing).

7:41 AM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

I don't know what the **** I'm doing for Xmas this year!

8:49 AM  
Blogger Eddie said...

sounds like a cluster----, hope you got it fixed after they left hehehe

6:03 PM  

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