Sunday Shitanigans

November has not been kind to me so far. The car broke down. Twice. Towtrucks and transit and all kinds of bad things followed. I did learn this though: morning bus drivers are awesome, evening drivers need exorcisms and/or Xanax. Night/day stuff. Then the furnace blew. Dad's waited until the following day, to be sure we couldn't sneak in any two for one housecalls. NO-vember. No fun. No piece of mind or relaxation. Just no. Today a seemingly simple jaunt for errands with Dad turned into something different when, after depositing my paycheque at the Bermuda Triangle drive through debit machine, it played whack a mole with my card. Told me to take it, but pushed it out far enough to be flush with the slot (only). Went back in, said "nanananana", then did it again - 3 times. I had my hammer in hand by this time, ready to fix the problem when an error message came up telling me my card would be retained. NO. I need that card...you see, no one gives me free gas for work. Groceries are required, unless the veggie lasagna I'd planned for tonight is made of jam and eggs. I NEED my card. It is the IV that keeps the money flowing to my wallet. I have no credit cards, no rich sugar daddies and when something stands between me and my debit card, it's a 9.8 on the richter. Just popped off a lovely email because if those people at Coast Capital think their Monday morning is going to be carefree and easy, they're wrong. I will be waiting for them to courier my card to me. NO (there's that word again) - I want it sent by limousine. With wine on board. Driven by Kevin Bieksa. Fucktards.

I've decided not to let this place die a slow fizzle of a death. I plan on rejuvenating the ol' blog. Why?...because I like to write and this keeps things simple and neat. While I did stray over to that other place where people are crushed by candy and other weird phenomenon, this is where it all started. I find that I actually have documented some of my history here...when Linds said to me the other day, when was my last day of school I had to weed through old posts here to try to narrow it down. And I found it nostalgic, comforting and it just felt like home. And, it's like a journal where I can keep track of things and check in on myself. So this'll be at least a weekly thing (again). Not that anyone cares, is listening or will read, but because I'm no quitter. It feels like I've said this here before, but I mean it this time. I did forget my password and how to sign in, but have cracked the code. Here's what I've learned about passwords....once you hit fifty, you forget them just like they're car keys that you put down someplace when you walk in the door. It's hard to keep these things straight. We should be assigned assistants at 50. They could flip our pillow over to the cool side, tie our runners should we ever decide to use them (in which case we'll properly refer to them as walkers). They could keep track of our car keys and passwords, make sure our skirt isn't tucked into our pantyhose and that we put both earrings on. Although, I recently lost a favourite earring but that hasn't stopped me from wearing the lone soldier. I lie. I tell people "oh, I must've forgotten to put the other one on when I left the house". Such bullshit. After 3 times, they're onto it. Then, I blame it on wine. I actually lost my Shoppers card when I really needed it the other day (for a promotion that required it). Searched everywhere for days. Then, inadvertently stumbled across it yesterday when I wasn't even looking anymore. (Funny how that goes). Put it on the table, with the coupon/promotional flyer. Picked it up today to go out the door and got called away/distracted. Lost it again. Rinse/repeat cycle. (Quit looking and swearing, moved some clothes that Linds had flung around in her packing fury and found it underneath them). I quit...this game isn't even FUN. I am a little lazy today...with my football team out of the picture and my hockey team not playing until tomorrow, today was named nothing to do day. So I ran with it. Linds is in Squamish, twirling fire and being cool. I so miss her when she is away. Ty is here, waiting for Fiona who we also miss when she's away. We'll go to our favourite little burger joint tonight for chicken pesto deliciousness. Fiona will go meatless, as is her life. That's about it for now. Next post will be about bunnies. Love you all. All none of you. xo

Ramblings....

A lot is going on in my life lately...not so much in a daily activity or event way, but emotionally and internally. Age is likely the culprit and is making me feel things so deeply and pronounced. I want to scream at drivers on the road (no, change that - throw shovels at them), cry over TV commercials, and worry about every single little thing imaginable. I know, I know - I've always done these things but it's more intense and pronounced now. Crippling at times. I'm just really coming to understand how my life has unfolded (unraveled) and I feel the need to take the reins and charge in a different direction. So much has brought me here - to this place of uncertainty, fear and helplessness that I'm stuck in at times. Like sludge that won't allow me to move. But I can't stay stuck here forever and owe it to my kids to find some answers. Heavy, but this part's just for me. A secret place like a big tree that I can sit under with a friend, trying to figure out

what the hell this life is all about.

Testing...1,2,3

Just checking, to see if I still know how to do this.

Will be back, with something to say soon. Maybe we'll talk hockey.

(Have I really had this blog 6 years? Wow)

A new & improved/happier Deb

Anybody (still) out there?

First of all - sad that people connect, then disconnect here in the blogworld. Most have moved on to those cesspools otherwise known as Facebook & Twitter (whom we will now refer to as Twitfaces), but some have just plain disappeared. And that saddens me (WN - you know who you are).

I am doing well. Extremely well - saw my doctor Thursday for the first time in nearly two years and he went "wow, you're looking great". So I guess that's good.

I am a summer person - have always known that. Am happiest when it's summer and I can spend half my day outside. Am back to a pretty rigid fitness routine - was missing from my life for awhile and it's a big piece that needs to be in place if I am to be truly happy. Have been running since I was 12. Started swimming/aerobics in my teens. It's just part of who I am and I feel complete with a dumbbell in my hand.

Work is great. Insanely busy and chaotic - but that's how I roll. The people are fantastic and as crazy as I am, so it works well for me.

Have been moderating on the Canucks forums, which is where I spend 98% of my non work/family related time. Great people there, too. So it seems that I'm surrounded by them, which is a big part of my overall happiness these days.

The downside in my life - road rage. I could shoot people when I drive - no questions asked. Would likely be easier on all of us. Today I fingered 3 people in one trip. Outta control. They are.

But I'm working on them. We'll get them straightened out soon.

That's it - a whole lotta nothing. But a smile on my face, and that's fairly new.

:)

I had to fire someone yesterday...that did not feel good.

I read her FB status later in the evening, which stated that it "was the worst fucking day of her life".

So then I really did not feel good.

I felt that we should've given her a chance...explained why she was not meeting expectations and seen if an improvement was made. We had a meeting last week to discuss "her" and that was my recommendation. Then she didn't show up for work yesterday. Brilliant. Done deal as far as my boss was concerned. I did it via telephone - pretty uncool in my opinion. The Employment Standards Act likely thinks so too.

Ah well, life goes on.

Today her FB status read" "best day of my life - sun is shining and Tom Petty tonight".

I guess she's over it. So I can be too.

Few & Far Between

New and improved Deb is here.

I am loving my new job (although, after 8 months, I guess it's no longer classified as "new"). The time flies by and I really look forward to going to work. It is stressful, don't get me wrong - my coworker equates it to the stock market trading floor. But I thrive on that - on organized chaos...it's where I live.

After having been in a rather suffocating, one sided marriage that really didn't focus on me much, I'm finally coming into my own (again). I have a purpose beyond being a Mom (which will always be my number one priority)...I love that I feel challenged each and every day.

I was promoted to office manager today and got my third raise. In a nutshell, it feels damn good to be appreciated, respected and feel worthy of all of that.

Not everything is rosey - Dad was sued and owes a very large award to ICBC. Initially, it crushed us - nearly took us both down as we were devastated by the news that we thought couldn't possibly ever come true. How could it? The guy was a fraud and I'd taken enough pictures and gathered plenty of evidence to support that. But he had one thing we didn't - high priced lawyer friends. 'Nuff said.

In the end, we both concluded that we shouldn't let this consume us...that, if we did, he really had "won". It's money...we can survive (and will). Move on.

The ex is a dick. But we already knew that. It just needed to be reiterated because, apparently, this week is be a total dick week.

All in all, Deb is happy. And she hopes you are too. :)