Sunday, August 24, 2008

What I've Learned About 17 Year Olds

They are always pissed off. From the time their feet hit the floor (between 1-3 p.m.), until the time they sleep. And they are like bats...they sleep upside down.

When they tell you they need a ride in half an hour, in actuality that means anytime between RIGHT NOW and 4 days from now. But you'd better be ready.

They hate you. It doesn't mean they won't still accept gifts, rides and cash from you. But just fuck off - they hate you.

Throwing things is their way of you'd better learn the fine art of dodge, duck and GTFO.

They can show you endless drawings, poetry, YouTube clips, hangnails and other things that they've done or find interesting. But they don't give a flying fuck what you like. It's boring. Don't bother.

You are not allowed to ask them questions. It burns their eyes and they may inflict physical harm on you. JUST DON'T ASK. Better yet, don't speak in their presence, as your voice is reportedly 12 decibels too loud for them. STFU.

Seniority don't mean squat. When there's a 17 year old in the house, you lose. This includes any rights you have to the phone, TV, computer, remote controls and fridge contents. Everything belongs to them and you forfeit everything because they are faster, stronger, sleeker and smarter than you'll ever be. Dumbass.

Clothes can only go on the floor. Drawers are meant for broken bits of eyeliner, sticky change and old bus transfers. Don't fuck with the system.

Don't ever comment on their unkempt hair...they work for hours on it. If a spider crawls out, it's part of the program.

Don't try and be cool around them. They'll shoot you down with lazers from their cellphones. Or outta their eyes, if they're already texting friends (which is likely).

I will be adding to this.

Today's one of those days that I should just quit while I'm ahead. Or drum on rusty propane tanks with'd probably be safer than dodging daggers in this PMS household. SOS.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Random "boaters" passing by...although I'm pretty sure they could use a bigger boat.

Oh hai.

I'm really sorry that I've let this place completely go to the I explained to Barb - sheer laziness is my only explanation. I've been staying up into the wee hours watching the Olympics, which means I'm pretty much a zombie during the day after work. I love the Olympics, but they make me really miss Mom...she and I would constantly update each other with a lot of "did you see..." type phone calls. Miss her tons and I think that's probably contributing to my flakiness at the moment.

Another reason for my lack of posting is because I've decided I'm absolutely boring - nothing exciting or noteworthy happening in my life AT ALL to speak of. I don't want to bore you guys to death so I thought I'd wait until I had something to say. But I don't. I'm posting here today because Ty prompted me to...he told me if I didn't put up a post he was going to hack into my account and pretend he was me. We don't want that.

So Linds is away with her Dad for two weeks...that terrifies me. He's being his usual idiotic self but I'm learning to accept the things I can not change. And I can't kill him, so.....

Anyhow, she gets home tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to seeing her. I miss her shinanigans when she's away.

Fiona was just here for a week and we did a lot of laughing, a bit of wine drinking and generally had a lovely time. I love my kids and their S/O's....I'm blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.

So this is it...nothing earth shattering or even entertaining. I did do a very long post a few days ago, but decided to save it (again). I just don't want to do the heavy, Dr. Phil crap and it was a bit of a journey into my past. Pffft - let it go already. I'm really just enjoying life too much to even think about things that bring me down.

Although I'm sick of this heat, I do love the summer and it brings out the best in me. I'm a happy camper when I can ride my bike by the river each night. I did run over a snake the other day - poor thing, split him right in half! I was doing about 90 and didn't see him crossing the path until it was too late. I was going to go back and see if I could help him and then I had a wtf moment. Like I don't even know where the snake hospital is. Duh. What the hell would I do with two snake halves? Anyone need a belt?

So that's about it folks. I'm chilling but missed you so I'm making the rounds tonight. Hope you're all doing well and life is treating you good.

I'll be back soon.