I've decided not to fight it anymore.

I've changed my thinking and am no longer a useless, unemployed, lazy slob who'll never find work (or love) again - meet the new/improved fit, tanned, happy go lucky vacationer! Amazing what a little sun does for the spirit. In all seriousness, I've suddenly realized that I don't have to HATE not working - that I should just roll with it until something does come my way. So I've reprogrammed my little brain into actually using this time off as just that - time off. And I'm loving it (maybe a little too much - I just opened the crisper to find the jar of Italian seasoning in there.

So, yes, we're a little poorer - but we will survive. Took awhile for the anxiety to pass and for me to see that life's not out to screw me - but there's something to this jobless thing. I am growing my own patio veggies and eating a little "lighter" to ease up on the budget, so we're not officially starving (yet) - we're actually getting healthier. +1

I'm slowly (seen a slug crawl? Think of that, times 100) getting through a few projects that need doing. Well - ok, I'm writing lists and thinking about projects that need to be done. That's a start. +2

I'm finding time to connect with people again. Too bad that it takes funerals to bring people together, but Uncle Fred would've wanted it that way. It's been too long and, yes, I'm free. +3

Linds is likely correct with her observations/analysis of me...she's convinced that I'm bipolar, ADHD, SAD (the seasonal kind), a little depressed, & a tad bit OCD. Throw in middle aged crazy and I think that's about nailed it. But, for now, I'm choosing to roll with the punches and just be happy again.

Broke, rather lazy and extremely happy.

I love you sunshine.

It's Been Awhile Since I Had A Good Ol' Bitchfest

I never thought I'd miss working so much. Nearly five months and still nothing - perhaps it's a blessing in disguise, as I've been sicker than a dog. Initially, I suspected swine - my brother in law had been to Mexico just before Easter then had the ex & the mother in law over for dinner. It was a double whammy - the ex and his brother had both been away when we'd invited the mother in law to our family Easter dinner - she'd accepted the invitation and all the plans had been made. Then, two days before Easter she says she "forgot" that they'd already made plans at her son's house so she'd be going there instead. Oh yeah, the ex was going as well and the only people NOT invited were our kids. Sorry. So we salvaged our plans and they had a "family" party (my ex had the audicity to state that he had to be with his mother/brother because they were "blood"...."excuse me???....our children's DNA would like to have word with you!!"). God, I forgot how childish he can be...time to man up. Oh wait - too late. Anyhow, they were kind enough to pass along this vicious flu to us after their party, when the dust had settled from the outburst I'd had about ditching us. The mother in law actually cares - she called me to apologize and said she really did feel bad. I believe her (kind of). The ex is still an ass though. Anyhow - none of them even had the decency to tell us they'd been sick - I found out via Facebook status updates that they'd all come down with something the week after their party. God, suddenly I remember why I opted out of this family in the first place...so much crap to deal with. Let. Me. Out.

The ex is being his flakey self - the sunshine always did make him go whacky. More beer. Outings with the guys. He rarely sees the kids anymore, despite the fact that he lives 5 minutes away now. His loss - we've moved on too. But I know it hurts (Lindsay especially...she so wants to be Daddy's girl). Loser. Thank GOD she, at least, has a counsellor in her corner - he's extremely dependable and is providing some stability, as her father is too busy at the moment to do so. She vents with him - they go for coffee/walks and he's always in her corner. He drops everything when life's crashing down on her and I'm so thankful that we crossed paths with this wonderful man.

So, yeah - anyhow. A week's worth of antibiotics and I still feel like my ribs have been through the Stanley Cup playoffs. Speaking of which, my team's out - so life basically sucks right now. Which is why I'm hiding.

Coffee's ready - that's moving in the right direction. Back soon....

I hope. ;)