Yesterday Ty (with his totally sick & twisted sense of humor) said to me "Know who died?", then spit out some random name (I can't remember who he said) and when I went "oh no, really?" he said "nope, just kidding". He doesn't do boredom very well and this was one of his all time lows. Then our conversation continued in our usual, dysfunctional fashion as I followed up with something like "know who died?....Kurt Cobain". We're classless idiots by the way.

So when he called me today at work to say "did you hear who died?" my first reaction was a "yeah right, enough already" kind of response. But then he continued and I knew he wasn't joking.

Tragically, Luc Bourdon, of the Vancouver Canucks, died today around noon in a motorcycle accident. Apparently he lost control of his bike and hit a semi, dying instantly. He'd just learned how to ride and got his motorcycle last week.

Luc was the Canuck's first round pick in the 2005 entry draft....he was a solid, physical, two way defenceman and was earning a lot of respect in the NHL. He'd quickly become a favorite in this household and the "LUUUUUUUUC" chant was heard more than once around here (he wore Lindsay's #4 and then her other number, 28). He played for and won gold with the Canadian juniors in 2006 & 2007.

What a terribly, horrific thing. This talented young man had his whole life in front of him and it's an extremely sad day today. Hell, he helped make BFF out of Alana & I - although we started out arguing the seal hunt, we quickly found our common ground in the Manitoba Moose and guys like Luc. But hockey just doesn't seem important when a young life is snuffed out in the blink of an eye. Luc was 21 years old.

RIP Mr. Bourdon. You will be sadly missed and our heartfelt condolences go out to your family.

(Be careful Junky)

We're off to BINGO again. Yes, we are. Just a couple'a wild and crazies we are.

Ty tells me that we have to go to "see our friends". Actually, the woman who sits across from us is an absolute sweetheart - Brenda's 10 years older than me and looks 5 years younger. She's very welcoming, helpful and, well, just nice.

Ty's new manfriend is "Richard". He comes every week (late). Has a bit of a routine...gets a cheeseburger, buys a whole whack of pull tabs and then sits down to do what he does (mostly win and mumble). He became a bit of a hero to Ty a few weeks ago when Brenda leaned over to him and said, "Richard, why don't you ever bring your wife with you?", to which he replied, in his southern sounding drawl, "Are you kidding me? I come here to get away from that shit". High fives from the man club. There's hockey jersey long hair guy and the two Phillipino brothers who bring their Grandma each week. And win multiple times (karma). The men are taking over.

So I was thinking about this....Bingo Thursdays, the track on the weekends, sell & play lottery tickets (including betting on sporting events), poker maniac, considering the Casino as my next job...do you see a bit of a pattern developing?

"Hi, my name's Deb and I'm a gambleholic".

The weekend's almost here again. Wahoo!....plans?

Back To Work, Really?

I've enjoyed the long weekend and spending it on the go but I'm also finding it hard to shift gears back into doing something productive. I have laundry all over the place and my "to do" list (that I'm currently ignoring) is full of chores that I just don't feel like doing. Blah. My moods seem to really coincide with the weather and I only get things accomplished when the sun shines. Unfortunately, living in Vancouver means that that's not a good game plan. Sometimes it really sucks to be an adult, doesn't it? I just want to play.

One thing that I've been floating around in my little pea brain is what I'm going to do next...my job is likely done at the end of this year and it's time to start thinking about moving on soon. I have reason to believe that my boss is packing things in soon and will not be renewing her lease in the Fall/Winter. I've considered buying her out but really don't know if I want the pressure of owning my own business...it's something that my Dad would back me on, so I'm giving it some serious thought. But I've also started to look around to see what's out there in the way of employment and have recently run across a job posting that looks extremely interesting to me. I think it's a little out of my league but I've never let that stop me before. I applied (and was hired) for a job as an executive secretary when I was young and I really didn't think I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting the job at the time. Although my experience was limited, I could always sell myself with a no fear, go get 'em attitude back then. At the time, every job I'd applied for I'd got and I attribute it to the fact that my confidence level was through the roof...I think that came across in interviews. When I was interviewed for the position, my prospective boss said he liked my fresh perspective on things and felt that some of the other, more experienced applicants, were already set in their ways and wouldn't be as easy to work with so I got the position. It was an excellent job and if I hadn't tried, I would never have got it. I didn't overthink things back then like I do now...I just went with my gut and let things unfold with a "just do it" mindset. Ah, to be young.

Anyhow, I recently spent two hours filling in an online application and was at the homestretch and ready to send it when I accidentally deleted it!! I was frustrated, but took it as a sign that maybe it wasn't meant to be. But, as the deadline approaches, my horoscope has said (twice!) that I will be getting a new job and that I should "go for it". The horoscope in The Province newspaper is pretty much always bang on for me and, although I don't "refer" to it when making major life decisions, I can't ignore it. I sometimes look at it after the fact and it's strangely in line with what's happening in my life. I know, I know...the general topics that they cover are things that we ALL experience on a day to day basis and can be applied at any given time. But, for me, they're eerily reflective of what's going in my life and I just like to store the info for possible use in a rock, paper, horoscope kind of way.

I really still don't know what I want to be when I "grow up"....I've done a number of different jobs, most of them in an office environment. But I grew tired of that setting long ago and realized that I like to deal with the public and have ventured more in the direction of customer service (which is the position that I'm considering). I look at my kids and think of how lucky they are to have their whole lives, unmapped, in front of them. That they can pursue something that they're passionate about, which I never did when I was young. I just "went to work" at 16 and there was no turning back....I fell into "good" jobs from the get go, but it really wasn't what I wanted to do. Back then, my dream was to be a writer...poetry, in particular. Unfortunately, there wasn't a great demand for bad poetry at the time. Anyhow, although I'll be sad to leave my job (I love it), change is always good, right?

So are you doing what you love in life? If not, what would your dream job be?

Long Weekends Are Meant For Building & Burning

I've been meaning to update here but I seem to always be on the go. I do best in life when the pace is set to frantic...anything less and I lose direction. So, in order to keep me on course, something's gotta give. Mostly it's my visits to blogland and if you don't see me around your place it's not anything personal. I'm just buried in dirty clothes somewhere...please send help.

I'm happy about the long weekend...Fiona was here for a couple of days and I really enjoy the time spent with my family more than anything. As the "kids" get older, they're not always around and I realize how much I miss the laughter in the house when they're away. Ty's a frickin comedian...or at least he should be. He does impressions better than any I've ever seen and as he shifts between Borat, South Park characters and Mitch Hedberg, he keeps us in stitches. Linds and Jesse are so damn cute together and man am I thankful that my children have met outstanding s/o's. We have a hell of a lot of fun and I lap up every second of our time together.

Oh, hang on...a 4 minute high sticking penalty in the gold medal game...brb. Wahoo!!! Goal by Burns makes it 3-1 Canada!

O.K., back to the business at hand...see how I get sidetracked?

The weekend has been lazy and enjoyable so far. Friday night after work I went and bought an extra large bottle of cider for us and we headed out front (to where the sun is)...my one gripe in life is that our back/patio area loses the sun by 2 or so and there are also wasps out there. We normally don't hang out front though because the combination of traffic noise and bus fumes just doesn't work with the idea of "chilling"...but Friday night we opted to sit under the big tree and put ourselves on public display. Poor neighbours.

One big issue that my kids have with me is that I'm cheap thrifty. I have to be - on one wage, there isn't a lot left over for extras so, when I spotted a "stainless steel barbecue" for $10 last year at Outdoor Depot, I bought two. They've been sitting downstairs ever since...for some reason no one wanted the extra one. My Dad and Fiona both declined the offer....I now know why. (They're both WAY smarter than me)

Tyler would like to live a good life....only thing stopping him at the moment is that his current job hunting isn't working out quite as planned. But he would prefer to place himself behind a Hank Hill 2,000 pound propane cooking unit. Unfortunately, I'm a Hibachi queen and my barbecues can be carried and cost less than a case of beer. If I can make do on less, I'll do so. But there are times in life that the realization hits you - it's better to spend the extra money to get something that doesn't put lives in danger. This would be one of those times.

Anyhow, we turned the speakers towards the open windows and buckled down to the daunting task of building the Made In China beaut (that no one else wanted). I now understand why they cost $10. I really think it was about 8 dollars too much.

First of all, as Tyler was quick to point out, you just don't fit a "stainless steel" barbecue into a 16 x 20" box. Despite the manufacturer's attempt to fool me (they did), stainless steel can't be folded. Red flag. From the get go, Ty was clearly not impressed.Why the thing had to be wrapped in blue shrink wrap is beyond me...step one was to peel it away and Ty's patience with that lasted oh about 17 seconds. He then told the piece he was working on to fuck off and handed it to his lovely assistant.

(Update - it's now 4-2 Canada in the third.)

Right around this time people we knew started to pull up in their cars to see what we were doing. This was good...it diffused things before Tyler blew. Something about crooked bolts, misaligned holes and razor sharp edges just wasn't working for him. He's so picky. His friend Alex dropped by and then Dave stopped in and quickly went to work with Ty. Because two men going "what the fuck" are way better than one.

So it's a good thing that they gave us "Exploded" instructions because the regular ones just weren't enough on their own.With all due respect to the victims and, while I do understand that it's no joking matter, I now understand why all those buildings collapsed.

When Ty grew totally frustrated confused pissed off with the instructions, he cheered up with the realization that all was not lost....









....and that he could use the bbq as a Hallowe'en costume. (FTR - last year he peeled the label off a 2 liter bottle, stuck it on his t-shirt and went as Ginger Ale. Yeah, that's my boy! Genius, isn't he?)

After much head scratching, choice language and giggling from the peanut gallery, by nightfall the cooking unit was constructed and ready for action. We seriously considered whether it would melt and buckle during use but came to the unanimous decision of "screw it", which resulted in absolutely delicious strip loins, courtesy of Ty. No one was injured or killed in the process so, all in all, a good night. And a definite step up from last year's fiasco barbecue.

* * * * *

(And damn if we didn't just lose to Russia in OT, courtesty of Mr. Kovalchuk. Oh well, I'm happy for Ovechkin and it's great fun to watch him celebrate...by kissing other men on the cheek!? Those crazy Russians)

Today my brother accepted his 2 year cake at NA and I attended in support of him. Sometimes I forget just how bad things were just a few short years ago...maybe that's not a bad thing. But it was bad - REALLY bad. The drugs had turned a warm, kind, fun loving person into a rambling, frantic maniac and I'm convinced that he was knocking on death's door. That either he'd die in an accident of some sort or be off'd by a dealer he owed money to. We certainly got the phonecalls telling us so.

Things really came to a head with us during Dad's illness (right before Mom was diagnosed) and I was considering cutting the ties with him as it was easier than watching him kill himself. I had alot on my plate and had to focus on getting Dad through chemo in one piece - I was extremely hurt and angry that he was putting the additional stress on the family. I thought he was being selfish but realize now that he wasn't capable of being anything other than high back then.

And then something clicked. His girlfriend cleaned up and he decided to give it a try and, apparently (according to his own reports), from the first time he set foot in a meeting he felt that he "belonged" there. His girlfriend laughed as she recalled his reaction after that first meeting when he turned to her and announced "I'M AN ADDICT!!". Yeah Dave, we know.

Anyhow, it's a strange feeling sitting in a room full of people who not only did drugs with Dave, but some of whom also dealt to him (and possibly even made some of those calls). Although it's not cool to discuss the details (the whole premise of NA is based on anonymity) those people, when in recovery, are some of the coolest damned people I've ever met. Honest, sincere, no bullshit kind of people and they make it comfortable to be there. The comradery in that room was unbelievable...they've got each other's backs. Heartfelt stories were swapped and they were delivered in an extremely powerful way. There are people of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds that come together - all for the sole purpose of staying clean. Some are business people, others have known only crime and time. They celebrate 30 days of sobriety and some have 27 years under their belts. Some look like they're barely out of puberty and others are well "seasoned" and scary looking. But then you hear them speak and they're teddy bears deep down. They tear up as they talk of their families and what keeps them tight is that they all have the same goal - clean living. They support each other like I've never seen before and it really makes me wish everyone were like this.

I'm extremely thankful for this program and grateful for the wonderful people who make it work. Without it/them, I'm quite sure I wouldn't have a brother. Congrats Dave...I love you and I'm proud of you. I'll always be in your corner and look forward to sharing many more cakes with you.

I'm feeling sad at this very moment but this man always managed to make me smile. Damn, wish he was still here. Wish she was still here. I'll be o.k., just a momentary glitch.


I'm gonna go out now and find me some of these (free hugs).

And one more for the road, 'cause I've listened to it about 8 times tonight. Ever find that, that some nights a song just "clicks" with your mood? I never listen to this, but tonight it's "the one".

She Ain't Heavy....

Thursday we all attended a ceremony at the local theater in support of Linds as she received an award. The UROC's are presented annually to young people who contribute in the community and have a positive influence amongst their peers. It also recognizes kids who face adversity and still manage to do great things in spite of it. Lastly (but certainly not least!), they acknowledge organizations and individuals who devote their time and energy to programs aimed at youth. A very special bunch of people.

It was a wonderful night and I'm extremely proud of Linds for all the hard work she's done this year. Overcoming anxiety and depression are no easy feat and, for a kid, that's tenfold. She was in a very dark place not long ago and it's taken a tremendous amount of courage and determination to get where she is now. It's always a work in progress, but she's doing great things and has so much to offer...I just know she'll do something great.

I'm extremely thankful that a few special people (at her new school) have recognized the potential in Linds and have worked with her towards realizing her dreams. She's a bright, creative kid and they've provided opportunities for her to showcase her art, photography and writing. She's been hooked up with people in the community who are involved in the local arts scene and the networking she's doing is constantly opening new doors for her. It's sparked an energy in her that the other school had extinguished...I always knew what they didn't - that, given the right tools, this kid could fly. She just needed people who believed in and supported her. Apparently, she was nominated by several different people, all who've been extremely important in her development this year and I'm extremely grateful to each and every one of them. This is the bio that they put together that was read just before she accepted her award:

Outstanding Youth

Lindsay is very involved in the community. She particularly enjoys the Creative Arts such as Art Platphorm, photography, writing, poetry and volunteering. Her works have been published in Youthink, a magazine for youth and possibly the Richmond Review in the future. Most recently, Lindsay was a very active organizer of Elev8, the Youth Week art extravaganza. All the while, she still managed to earn high marks at school. Lindsay has come a long way to overcome adversity in her life and deserves recognition for realizing her dreams and using her talents to promote arts to Richmond's youth community

Pass me a bloody Kleenex already! Seriously, I'm extremely proud of Linds and thankful to those who've surrounded her with love, encouragement and support this year. It's made a world of difference.

O.K., enough gushing....now let me tell you why my kid REALLY rocks. All the award recipients were seated in the front rows and Lindsay was sitting alone when she spotted a friend in the front row. She left her seat for a few minutes to go say hello and, when she returned, two bitches nice girls were seated in her seat and the one next to it. I was sitting about 10 rows up and watched as things unfolded. Linds was obviously explaining to bitch "A" that she had her seat and would have to move. The girl wasn't responding and I then watched as Linds assumed her "oh no you DIDN'T" pose (seen it many times...she practices it on me. It's kinda scary). She does not back down and that's not always a good thing. Now, my instinct was to jump up and go save her as I've always done, but I'm learning that that usually doesn't help the situation in the long run. I turned to her teacher beside me and went, "o.k., let's see how this plays out". In the meantime, a girl and her mother in front of us said they knew the girls, who were real trouble makers. Great.

The lights dimmed to signal showtime and there was Linds, hovered over dumb and dumber, who apparently still were brain dead and weren't budging. Boy, were they stupid. The longer they sat there, the lower Linds hunched over them and gave them what we like to call her "staredown". Again, quite intimidating, even though she is all of 90 pounds. You know the old "NO FEAR" saying that used to be printed on t-shirts?....that was invented for her.

Things had come to a standoff and I didn't see a peaceful resolution in sight and was getting restless in my seat as I waited for the bomb of Lindsay to go off. Normally she's very polite and respectful of others, but when she's pissed off LOOK OUT. I could see that she was quite prepared to just plant herself there for the duration.

I helplessly turned back to her teacher at that point....."what now?". She then volunteered to go down and pry Linds away and sit in another spot with her. Whew. Thankfully, no figure four leglocks were necessary and those girls didn't leave in an ambulance. Seriously though, there's something both reassuring and worrying in knowing that your kid can stand her ground. I suggested to her later on that maybe it wasn't worth the battle and that finding another seat would've taken a lot less energy. But I'm glad to know that she's no pushover.

Anyhow, a perfect night...other than the fact that the ex dropped his dog on his head (don't ask) and the woman in front of me kept falling asleep and doing the head bob. At one point her head was tilted right back (almost into my bloody lap) and her mouth was wide open (I think she might've even been drooling??!). It's possible that someone might've had a little nip or two before the event - she did provide some pretty good entertainment though.

Here are some pics from the festivities. It really was a good night:





Righty-O Vanna, just turn the damn letters already.(See that envelope behind the award? After the ceremony was over and we were heading to the parking lot I asked Linds what it was and she replied "well I was kinda hoping there was money in it". It was a write up of the bio they'd put together for her. Typical Lindsay)
Nice Ty. Why don't you show us how you really feel? (FTR: it is Ty's mission to mess up every picture he's in. To date, he's pretty much perfect). FTR, he bitched all night about the fact that I shrunk his shirt. Solution: go do your own laundry. :)
OK lovely, Linds....now time to let your guard down and show the real you........








.....................now that's the girl I know and love.

Good news for a change folks!

Everything seems to be A-OK in regards to my health and I can quit worrying for awhile. Whatever it is that keeps showing up is nothing of concern to specialists, etc., so I'm good to go (although I will be following up to see exactly what it is that I saw on the ultrasound).

Life is crazy like that, isn't it? Peaks and valleys - stuff thrown at you from all different angles. It's like a test at times, to see just how much we're able to bear. And then, when we're ready to break, the storm passes.

I watched that crazy-exciting hockey game last night...anyone else see it? The Stars and Sharks battled for 4 overtime periods before the game was finally decided in the Star's favor. This is actually one of the first years that I've really taken in the playoffs...usually I'm focused on the Canucks and then I kind of drop away when they're out. But this year I'm enjoying sitting back and watching it all unfold.

I'm in Detroit's corner and if they should win it all I am in a contest that means I'll have to don a pair of wings and head out to the local park, prancing around, giving out Chris Chelios gummi bears. I'm crazy like that. How old am I again?

Everyone who entered the contest had to pick a team that they thought would go the distance. Then the people who picked the correct team all had a stunt to perform and the stunts are then voted upon. Since I'm the only Detroit entry, when they win I win. :)

Anyhow, hope everyone's well...remember, "THIS IS JUST A TEST". When you're having those moments, they too shall pass.

Take care and have a great week!