As if my house doesn't have enough crap that I'm trying to get rid of.....

Yesterday the ex brought the kid's a filthy, worn out old set of drums that belonged to his brother who was in a band 25 years ago (who is downsizing before a move). Let's get real - he's getting rid of shit. Now, as much as I'm in favor of allowing the creative juices to flow and I support anything musical, this isn't great. I spent an hour trying to clean deads bugs outta these things - I'm quite sure a cat might've even been living in them. Understand here - the brother was in a punk band 25 years ago and these things were dragged around to dirty, underground gigs and probably still have people's vomit stuck on them. I know because I was at some of those shows.

Anyhow, the thought is nice but now my living room has been invaded and Tyler's already begun the process of annoying the shit out of me by drumming right behind me as I sit on the couch. Again - I'm all for these guys learning the drums - just not in my ear. I've told him that I'm going to drum on them when the phone's for them....save the voice from screaming until they hear me.

I'm sure our neighbors will love the new addition. They used to like me.

I'll post pics later - when I get over the trauma of it all.

George Carlin , May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008.

I'm really stoked for several reasons....here are the top three:

1) July 1st....UFA's!!!! No, this has nothing to do with spacecraft manned by little green guys - HOCKEY PLAYERS folks. My Man Mike (Gillis) better not disappoint. I'd like to acquire Joe Sakic, Marian Hossa, The Hanson Brothers and Chuck Norris. While we're at it let's throw 80 million at Linden and convince him to stay a year or two. Not happening? O.K. Mike - YOU do it then. The draft was this weekend and, personally, for me it's like an appetizer before the meal - just gets me thinking about what's to come...the real fun begins in a couple of weeks. We need to add to our team for next year and, although I'm excited over the prospects we picked up today, they're not going to help us tomorrow. You have to give in order to receive and I'm always a little nervous right around this time....it's an anxious excitement as we see what develops. I'm glad our new GM has said my Ikea twins aren't up on the block, but I may've seen his fingers crossed behind his back. And I hope my captain returns, albeit at a reduced price. Change is good. Sometimes. O.K., o.k., I know...some all of you hate hockey. So I'll move on.

It's my country's birthday too. Yeeha. Can't forget that.

For those of you not interested in hockey or the best country in the world, then there's....

2) Football!!! The regular season of the CFL starts this week. And my boyfriend (Geroy) is in fine form. Yea! Paint me orange.

3) The Matthew Good concert: I've been waiting my whole life for this. Well, not really, but since last year's show. The only negative thing I have to say is that it's on Thursday - the night of the Lion's game. Is it wrong to wear a headset radio IN ONE EAR? Hmmm.

Anyhow, it should be a good week. I'm off Monday and that rocks too...maybe I should've done a top 10.

That's it for now - all I've got. My toast just popped.

Why, why, why are there only 24 hours in a day? It's simply not enough. I find I'm constantly trying to cheat the system by having some "me" time at 2:30 am and, well, it's not working out so well.

I'm dragging my rear to work today and I'm tired as hell. But my long overdue spring cleaning mood has hit and it seems that I just get really rolling on something when I'm called away. Cobwebs in hair - I actually noticed the other day that the spider was on me too.

Bear with me. My posts have lacked substance (was it ever any other way?). They've been mostly bitches, rants and whines. Really flattering stuff.

But I find that when I do get 18 seconds to post, I'm in a bitchy, whiny mood. Mostly because of the 24 hours in a day thing...why can't I vacuum my car at 3 am? Do the neighbours have to sleep every night? Geesh, so picky around here.

Anyhow, today's a "long" shift (waa), followed by the laundromat, dinner and Rock of Love. Yes, I do watch that garbage. It's the sleaziest, sluttiest, trashiest bit of nonsense I've ever seen. And I love it. I can't quite pinpoint why (and probably need therapy). Bret Michaels dating life...well, dating doesn't really factor in much. Fiona and I feel normal when we watch that show...maybe that's it.

Have a great hump day. Be back by November.

OK, I wrote a big long post about my boss before this, but here it is in a nutshell:

SHE SUCKS

And I'll be doing my best NOT to quit over the next couple of days because, well, when you're under appreciated that's an option that comes to mind. In neon letters with a drum brigade & fireworks.

I'd booked (a month ago) for an early departure on the 26th of June so I can get a head start to the Matt Good concert. I'm taking a busload of people with me and we've planned on meeting other MG fans that we've met on line beforehand, to grab some chow and mingle. Been looking forward to it forever.

So I look on the calendar today and see that things have "changed" and my shift that day's now longer than I'd originally scheduled. Someone's scratched out my 2:00 finish and written 3:30 in its place. Without asking me. WHAT? Where was I when this was decided? Back the fuck truck up. Fuckers.

Not a huge deal - but the lack of communication/respect is getting to me. I then carry on to see that my hours have been cut in half over the next few weeks to accomodate the boss's daughter, who's wanting some extra summer $$. That's all fine and dandy, but I have bills to pay so, at the very least, a conversation informing me of these changes would've been nice. Also, I'd agreed to run the place for 10 days in July as the boss and her daughter were planning a jaunt to NY...the extra money was already spent. And that, too, has now been cancelled and they're "thinking" of doing something in August instead. In other words, my life's supposed to just bend and twist according to theirs. Like my time is nothing.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

Oh, by the way, I've had enough.

The very high turnover of employees there is because of this kind of crap. The last girl (Sio) was a sweetheart and I hated to see her go. But I was happy for her, as she was far too wonderful to deal with the headaches. The woman before her now works in the same complex (for the competition). She visits me and we talk about how miserable her former (my) boss is. She's supportive and is trying to coax me to the other side. They even get paid stats there. AND there are magazines to read.

So, although I LOVE the freedom of working alone without anyone breathing down my neck, I feel like enough's enough. Nice guys do finish last and I think it's time I take charge of this situation and lay a few ground rules. Like once the schedule's posted, no one changes my hours unless I give the o.k. to do so. Seems reasonable enough to me.

Going to the library now...I feel a serious need to read.

Geesh, has it really been a week already?

My blogging has really been put on the back burner lately...I don't have much of an explanation except that the days seem to be flying by, with nothing of any significance to report. It's like that with me - I throw myself into something, then back away. Bits & pieces that result in fragmented sections of my life. I really think that there are probably some underlying psychological and/or physical issues that have me do this. Possibly some ADD related stuff. I can't seem to focus for too long on one thing...I get bored (not of you guys - of "hearing" myself speak), pull away and then revisit it at a later time. I also think that the "thing" that happened with the ex has affected me more than I thought. It thrust me back into a nightmare world that I lived in for so long. A little PTS involved. Anyhow, not really wanting to delve into it, just recognize that since the episode, I've been a little flakey and unable to buckle down and concentrate.

I'm also working a lot more, mostly because my boss didn't want to hire someone else to fill the other spot. We discussed it at the time that my co worker left - I assured her that I could hold down the fort on my own (which I can). The only thing that I was hoping was that she'd appreciate me a little for it but, so far, she's as cold and ungrateful as ever (which is why there's a vacancy to begin with...she has a high turnover of employees, who find it difficult to work for her).

She comes across as a miserable person and customers express to me on a daily basis that they refuse to do business with her - they wait until they see that I'm there. While flattering, that also means that I'm busy as hell when I'm on shift. I've recently been shuffled around on different shifts and some of my regulars, upon seeing me back on mornings, have said things like "oh thank God you're back" and "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? We've missed you". I love my customers and they've become friends to me...why is it that my boss can't make the connection that this is good for business? She sneers at people, rarely gives them eye contact and grumbles about them if they become "difficult" (to her that means they can't make up their mind what they want). I know that she's happy in her personal life and, all in all, I admire her. But, at times, she's a bitch. We have a totally different view on how to treat people and, in having to have more contact with her lately, it's affecting me in a negative way. Some days I walk in to relieve her and she says "hi", mostly, though, she just ignores me or kind of scowls at me. Very unpleasant and you just never know which one you're going to get.

Anyhow, on Friday I was at home, waiting for a package to arrive....I've won some autographed stuff from the Canucks. I had to work at 2 so I'd also left my work address/phone number, so the stuff could also be dropped off there. Apparently the courier needed the postal code there and, when they couldn't reach me at home, they called my boss. And she wouldn't give it to them.

When they finally did reach me, they told me that it was now too late to deliver it and they'd have to send it out the next day (Saturday). I was puzzled by my boss' lack of cooperation in something so simple. I immediately called her:

"Did someone just call there regarding a delivery for me?"

"Yeah"

"And they needed the postal code?'

"Uh huh"

"Did you give it to them?"

"No"

"Well, why not"

"I don't know it"

I call bullshit on that one...she's owned the booth for nearly 30 years. Even if she didn't know it off the top of her head, I know it wouldn't have taken much effort to find it. But that's how she is.

So it screwed up the delivery, which didn't arrive Saturday and I'm now in the process of trying to locate. Could've been simple but, for my boss, it's only important if it directly relates to her.

Anyhow, enough of my rant.

I'm excited about the Matt Good concert...the whole crazy bunch of us are going on the 26th. I'm also excited that the CFL is rolling again...I'm lost without sports and my BC Lions are poised to make a good run at things, although, with the 33-13 whooping that Saskatchewan laid on us, I'm a little worried. Not too much though, since pre-season doesn't include the regulars in the line up. In sad news, my hero, Trevor Linden, has packed it in. Not surprising, but still devastating in this household. I plan on doing a tribute later (when I get through crying about it).

I have today off and it's a gorgeous day out. I'm about to tackle the deck, which has been neglected all winter and has a green mossy thing going on. I love summer.

Isn't it interesting when you learn something new about yourself?

Photography is quickly becoming a new passion of mine and, although I'm not very good at it (my daughter's much better), it provides endless hours of quality "me" time.

In the past it's always been loud music & heart pumping workouts that have done it for me - provided a "release" of pent up emotion and energy. Cleared my mind and re-energized me. But I'm also liking the contrast of the quiet, calm that comes with photography. The path that I normally tear up on my bike has become something quite new to me now that I stroll along slowly, camera in hand. I'm seeing beauty in things that I've never seen before.

I have my daughter to thank (stop by and say hello if you get a chance) for opening my eyes to and getting me excited about this whole new world (well, Alana too...I bought my first digital camera because of her). I've always enjoyed taking pictures, but it's becoming part of who I am and I'm thankful for that discovery.

What are some things that you like doing?

(UPDATE: My kids and I communicate via MSN at home...saves doing stairs and yelling. So I just clicked on Lindsay's and her status bar reads "HI, I'M MILDLY EPIC" which, obviously, made me laugh and prompted a response. I asked "why only mildly?", to which she replied....

"if I were more than mildly the universe would explode".)

(True)

Anyhow, here are some of my recent pics (more to follow...this stuff takes time!)
Look closely....you'll see a fisherman in this one............



Snatched this fish up and got little more than his beak wet...could give my brother a few fishing tips!
Although this one's blurry (like most pictures I take actually), it was pretty cool. He got this one by diving right in, off the dock, in order to catch it. Amazing!
The "Cardio boot camp" class passed by and, of course, Linds took the opportunity to jump right in (click on the pic to get the full effect of her joy in doing so).
My sunglasses make the color in everything very vivid/beautiful and it's not uncommon for me to take a pic while I'm wearing my glasses, then be disappointed at the end result when I see the actual picture. So I beat the system....I took the pic through my sunglasses! Genius, aren't I?
This last one makes me think of one of my favorite Long John Baldry songs - "Flying". (Did you know that Elton got the "John" part from him?...I just learned that the other night).

Thanks Linds, for sending this my way. ;)

It's funny how other people can impact our moods, isn't it?

Since the "episode" with the ex (which I've chosen to put behind me and not delve into further), things have kind of unravelled for me. I guess what happens is that it opens up old wounds and thrusts me back into negative feelings about myself. It's taken me a lot to regather my self esteem and convince myself that I'm worth something. I'd actually come to a place where I was starting to like myself and developments this week have me feeling extremely withdrawn, helpless and depressed. I didn't sleep last night.

Not that this is directly about the incident last week (per se)....moreso, how the kids have responded to everything and the aftermath of what went down. I honestly think a bit of PTS has factored in and, well, it's a bit of a weird weekend so far. I feel a bit betrayed and alone.

Is there a full moon too?

Anyhow, I hate being negative...it goes against everything I'm about. But I am rather disconnected, scrambled and feeling fragmented. Like everything's out of synch and I can't focus...my rhythm's been thrown off. I'm going to blast some tunes and do one hell of a workout this afternoon...hopefully that'll recharge my batteries and start to set things right.

If that fails, I'm going to buy a bottle of wine. ;)

I'll keep you posted.

(I know that my blog has become little more than a bitch session, with a few Youtube videos thrown in to deflect away from that. I'm workin' on it folks and promise I'll have more to offer soon. This too shall pass.)

Thanks to those of you who've hung in, despite the whinefest.

Please, say it isn't so!

My angry music. I should really work out, to get this all out of my system.

This works too.

I'm sitting here, wondering if I should post what I'm currently feeling/going through or just ride it out. I'm a talker and, especially when things are rough, I need to talk. It's how I work things out.

It's bad.

Today was fucking awful and I have to process it a bit before I know what's right/wrong.

Let's just say my ex took a huge step backwards in progress today...one that has me scared, confused, angry and, well...devastatated. But really, really fucking angry mostly. I'm shocked by what's happened and I never thought he was capable of crossing lines that he crossed today. Blindsided by it. It came out of nowhere, like a sucker punch. It always did - but usually it was me left in his wake.

Let's just say that a parent should be there to protect their children...try and shelter them from stress, anguish and physical pain. Not subject them to it.

I took a good shot in the jaw today, protecting my kids.

From someone who should never EVER be a threat to them. But was.

I don't know that I'm ready to talk about it (or that it's appropriate). But I also feel that I need to.

I'll be back. What the fuck is with this life?