What the hell is going on this week? Two things totally grossed me out, today's incident so much so that I still feel sick and I think my mouth is bubbling and blistering.

After work I went to the local corner store (which will remain unnamed) to get Linds a SLURPEE or a BIG GULP. Enough said on that. So I'm lined up when I notice that they had a tray of "goodies" to sample, as they often do. Now, being that it's out on the counter where every single person in line has spewed all over it, I usually don't get involved. And today's item was extra nasty and almost indistinguishable...but the little piece of smokie still somehow called out to me..."come eat me". Understand here, I was starving...all I'd had was some scrambled eggs early in the morning and it was now six p.m. Initially, from a distance I thought, "nah, they look disgusting". And, as I got closer to the cashier I eyed up the shrivelled old things on the tray and thought "nope, totally gross". And then I ate one. Yes I did. I'd just stuck it in my mouth with the little toothpick when I realized it was even worse than it looked. It was cold and had probably been there all day. Yuck. I nonchalantly spit it into my napkin when noone was looking and gestured to the clerk "where do I put my toothpick?". Then I almost fucking died. He pointed to the courtesy cup that I'd gotten it out of. You've got to be kidding? Now, understand here...there were no other toothpicks - those were the only ones. So obviously I'd assumed they were there to use. WRONG. They were discarded ones that had ALREADY BEEN USED. Oh my fucking God, shoot me now. I immediately went to the manager and asked why on earth they'd have the cup of toothpicks there, beside the samples, without it being marked "garbage". If there had been another batch of toothpicks, I'd have assumed they were to be placed in the cup afterward, BUT THERE WEREN'T. How was I to know that the only little cup full of toothpicks were other people's slimesticks??? AARGH.

I swear to God I feel my lips blistering as I type. I'm quite sure my teeth are going to fall out by morning and I'll break out in herpes sores too. I immediately rushed home and mouthwashed like a maniac. I considered drinking some of the mouthwash. Then I phoned the store's customer relations line to let them in on the little "mishap".
Number one - why the hell do they think it's o.k. to leave meat out on a counter all day to serve to customers?
#2 - Why did they not have a constant supply of "new" toothpicks to avoid this confusion?
#3 - Why the hell did I eat that little piece of shit, despite the voice in my head saying "you'll die, don't do it"?

I'll tell you why - because I'm a moron and I was starving.

If I don't post tomorrow it means they're burying me at Garry Point. If it's not from the mystery illness, it'll be from a stress induced heart attack. And no worries...I don't need a cross on my grave. Stick some goddamned fancy schwizel stick toothpicks there to remind everyone of how I met my fate. Roast smokies over the fire on top of me for all I care. I'm a goner, I know it.

On second thought, the second gross out item will have to wait...I just can't take any more tonight. I'm going to wash my mouth out with sandpaper now. G'night all.

When I'm Lazy, I Post Pictures

I was up at my favorite spot (Garry Point) the past couple of nights. Here's what I see when I'm there (click on the pics to make them larger/better):

I think I live in one of the most beautiful spots in the world...nights like this are special here.
This piece of driftwood reminded me of some sort of dinosaur.

I stopped at Dad's on the way home and took more flower pics...unfotunately, he'd just picked about 40 of his lillies to take to our doctor (his wife loves them)...this is some of what was left.

I took quite a few more pics - some good ones of herons and geese and a few of the rising river that, at the moment, is behaving. I'll post them tomorrow. For now, here are some "action" shots......

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

These two nutballs (Ty & Fiona) decided, out of the blue, to have a race. "On your mark....get set.....GO"
They also played hockey because, when you're Canadian, that's what you do when you're bored. We're never too old for a game in the parking lot. Ty's giving Fiona a few pointers on wrist shots here.
When the ball went between the fence into the neighbour's yard, I tried for several minutes to get it out and got it right up to the fence. It was at that point that Ty insisted that "this is MEN'S work" and took over from me.


After unsuccessfully trying his (better) way, Ty deliberated for a minute and then came up with.....











...... "aw, screw it. YOU get it Fiona."

Fiona had her gameface on. You just don't mess with a Canadian girl when she's playing hockey, o.k.?! (Click on this image to get the full effect of Fiona's fierceness!).

This One's For Barb....

Wanna sing along with me?

Hit it:

COMPUTERS ARE EVIL / GIANTS ARE GOD

About now, computers rate right up there with taxes, pap smears and dog shit on my shoe. Yep, I love 'em that much.

I got word yesterday that:



Lindsay's computer requires a new motherfuckingboard.

Lindsay's computer had almost run out of room on the harddrive and requires another one. Can you put a damn hot tub in there while you're at it?

Lindsay's computer had numerous viruses/spyware and I suspect the KGB, the CIA, Revenue Canada, SARS and the chicken flu were all probably lurking around in there somewhere too, just for good measure.

Lindsay's computer does not have the firewire port required for her new digicam and therefore one must be installed because spending $400 on her birthday just wasn't enough.

Lindsay's computer's cd drive had packed it in and she needs a new one because stealing music is important.

Lindsay's computer needs a new power supply.

LINDSAY'S COMPUTER NEEDS AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT AND SHOULD'VE BEEN SHOT AND PUT OUT OF ITS MISERY.

Fucking thing.

The damn thing'll be worth more than my car when I finish paying for it. (Wait, I think my flip flops are worth more than my car, but you get the point.) The problem is "Lance" (who does good work and fixed Ty's computer when it was down) was already $380 in when he discovered some of this, so there's no turning back now. I was expecting a bill similar to the last one...around $150-200. Have I told you that I'm delusional?

Honestly, I could've gone out and bought her a brand new computer by the time this bill is tallied - it'll be up around $550-600 when finished. Remember the good ol' days of TYPEWRITERS AND TELEPHONES? I long for those days. Big time. Whatever happened to passing notes to friends? Why'd they fix that when it wasn't broke?

So, to add insult to injury, today my MAC - you know Macs?...THOSE COMPUTERS THAT NEVER CRASH??!! Fuck that, they do. MINE JUST DID. They just try and act all cool about it. A little spizzle, fizzle fart kind of thing. IF YOU'RE GONNA' BLOW, AT LEAST MAKE IT EXCITING YOU PIECE OF SHIT. I'm angry today, have you noticed?

Anyhow, Lindsay was doing up a playlist to burn a CD when "click, frazzle, spit, black". Computer died. It sounded like it does when you turn it off...only it wouldn't allow me to log back on. Ty (my hero) worked on it, reinstalling things from the disks, and patiently following instructions. Which was much better than my way - a lot of "fuck you"ing and banshee type dancing around the keyboard. Witchcraft. Exorcism. None of it was working. So I called Ty and he eventually figured out a new way to log on...luckily so far so good. Just don't breathe or blink while here, o.k.? Seriously. He missed the whole first period of the Giants game to get me up and running...it was the best period of hockey I've seen in awhile. Yes, I watched it as he labored over this evil creature....it was in his best interest that I stayed out of the way. But I was standing nearby with a sledgehammer, just in case.

Have I told you how much I hate computers? I really do.

I'm going to watch the third period now...GO GIANTS!

**UPDATE: It's all good, my Giants just kicked Memorial Cup ass and won the tourney. W O O T ! !

I've written then saved 3 or 4 posts over the last fews days and not published them...they're too long & heavy and I just don't feel like posting them right now. I might down the road but, for now, I just feel like "light" and mindless fits the bill (which about sums up my state of mind right now). And "my friends who died" and "my vacations from hell" aren't really nice perky stories that liven the place up, right? So they'll wait. The one about my friends is the third I've written...it's a tough one. One day.

So, in keeping in line with light and mindless, here's my "weekend" random 10:

Rolling Sly Stone...RHCP
And On A Rainy Night...Shawn Mullins
Little By Little...Oasis
Everybody...Stabilo
The Show Must Go On...Queen
Dead Disco...Metric
Alabama Motel Room...Matt Good
Mexico...Incubus
Bad Timing...Blue Rodeo
Lay Lady Lay...Bob Dylan

Oooh, I liked this one...some songs I haven't played in ages. And probably wouldn't have. Sometimes the computer just knows best.

I'm lazy as hell right now...Linds is sick and I'm chillin' with her. We watched "Stranger Than Fiction" this afternoon. Well I think I watched through my eyelids - whatever. I tried.

Just finished my poker tourney and am going to check out other's blogs...much more interesting. Well, happy Saturday to everyone...hope my US friends are enjoying their (long) weekend. Cheers.

I was revisiting songs from my past tonight on YouTube - Nancy's still one of my idols. This was my favorite - her intro on this song. Still gives me shivers at 4:26 or so. There's just something damn hot about a woman who can stand up there and do what she does like she does. Agree?I think I'll do some installments here entitled "Women Who Rock" (like Mel's cds) and showcase some of my favorites. Yeah, that's what I'll do because I'm too lazy to write real posts at the moment. So consider this #1. Nancy (& Ann Wilson).

Happy Birthday Allison

It's not a money tree, but a squirrel delivering the goods is the next best thing, right?

Happy birthday dear girl....you totally rock. Handclaps and a big fat "woot" to you Allison. You are one of a kind and you make the internet a much better place. Hope you had one hell of a day.

Love & Hugs,
Deb.

(This pic is from Flickr and is not hers.)

Linds survived VFest and we'll post pics at some point. To see a video of your daughter crowd surfing only to be dropped and come home battered and bruised is a little unnerving, to say the least. Yet she loved every minute of it. She was interviewed by Tim at Much Music and hung out with him for awhile...this was a highlight for her.

We picked her up and, I must say, the crowd control was very well handled and there were no problems, despite some of the revved up, half baked attendees. An impressive police/security presence for sure.

In other news, I got word that Linds's computer is worse than expected and the motherboard is fried, as well as the power supply. I was relieved to learn that I didn't cause this - that the capacitors were crap and that created the problem. So my bill will be slightly (3X) higher than expected. Such is life.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I'm starting to get nervous about the "flood" watch along the Fraser....of course many are talking out of both sides of their mouths on this. Mayor Malcolm here says "don't worry, you'll be fine" and reassures us that the recent dyke upgrades are sufficient, at the same time, however, he throws in a "don't forget to read your emergency preparedness manuals". The Red Cross has set up a Flood Centre and, at the moment, are instructing people on how to prepare. But the plan is that, should there be major flooding, it will turn into a disaster relief centre or something of that nature.

It appears to me that we have prepared better than some other areas - I've noticed the dredgers out in the river for some time now. And they have beefed up the dykes - apparently just not quite high enough as they should be a meter higher. It is quite unsettling...I'm praying for a good mix in the weather which will help a slower melt in the snowpack. Those cloudy/rainy/cooler days will be welcomed instead of cursed at.

Well, that's all for now folks...off to work. It's a fairly big jackpot, which means another shift of insanity...people come out of the woodwork when they hear there's $25 million up for grabs. Pfft...wouldn't be enough for my bills right now - have you seen the price of gas lately?


Anyhow, hope you all have a great day.

aaaawww.....

Ty showed me this earlier:

Today has been chaos. First Ty's new bed arrived and, in order to make things a little easier for the delivery guys, I placed his old mattress out front 5 minutes before they showed up. When they got here they immediately informed me that they couldn't take it away because of this, even though they'd contracted with me to do so. And with a great deal of attitude, I might add.

They explained that the old beds are donated to charity and they can't take them if they are wet. I quickly pointed out that noone explained this to me, nor did they inform me that it would be "donated". As I posted earlier, this bed was 40 years old and was not worthy of donation...it was garbage. So I told the blockhead delivery guy that and insisted he take it, as promised.

He refused so I called the salesman who'd promised me that the old one would be taken away. I was furious because we'd intially picked out another mattress somewhere else and part of the deal there had been removal of the old stuff. And this salesman had been quick to jump on the "anything they can do we can do better" bandwagon. "Yep, no problem, blah, blah, blah". But never any mention of not getting it wet, leaving it for them to remove or charity. Nothing. Yet, my invoice clearly stated on it that they were to pick up the old stuff at no extra charge.

I realized that it wasn't the driver's fault and, after ripping their heads off, I quickly decided I should let them live (Ty intervened). But I followed up with head office and Kevin down there saw things my way and promised to have the old mattress picked up and disposed of by Wednesday. We'll see...I'm not holding my breath. And, in the meantime, I have a big old mattress blocking my mail slot.

After the bed delivery I drove Linds to the busstop for her V-Fest journey. I'm a nervous wreck......something about my 16 year old at an all day/night mosh pit just isn't sitting well with me. She has a two day pass so I get two days of worry. And, although I reiterated to her that the mosh pit at the front of the Billy Talent/MCR/Rise Against concert might be a bit more intense/dangerous than our local community shows, she kept saying, "I'll be fine. I can handle myself". The mental image I have in my mind is screaming otherwise. I'll be glad when she's home in bed.

I was disappointed to learn that our wonderful Translink system that we pay an arm and a leg for does not have a bus that will get them home. There is one at 9:23 p.m and the next one is at 12:23 - the concert ends at 10. I know it's a Sunday, but it's a long weekend. And they wonder why people who have been drinking end up driving. Not that I'm suggesting it's something to consider....just that the options are limited when transit has gaps like that. So I get to drive into Vancouver to pick them up. Yeeha...in the pouring rain with one working wiper. I'm an adventurer.

* * * * * * * * * *
Ty and I headed to the track after I saw Linds safely off. We looked like drowned rats, it poured rain!!! I'd forgotten that the track shared the same grounds as the Memorial Cup, so we drove around for 1/2 hour looking for parking. Normally a $6.50 parking ticket includes a $4.50 food/drink voucher and a program. Today - zippo. Plus we ended up at the mercy of the scurrying Asian women who spoke no English and were "renting" out their parking spots for double what they should've been. The first one tried to soak us $20 - the next one we bargained down to ten. And walked 38 miles to our destination in the downpour. I laughed at the prospect of being "rented" a spot by someone it didn't belong to...I mean what would stop someone from doing that? They could walk around with their little paddle, direct you to a random open spot that isn't even theirs, collect your money and go.....could happen, easily. I have such a suspicious mind.

Anyhow, we ended up having a really nice time, despite the crappy weather.....I really enjoy the one on one time with my kids. (I hate this new set up and the pics aren't in line with the descriptions...so I'm numbering them.)
1/ The parade to post. We were a couple of the few in attendance today...the weather just wasn't cooperating.

2/ I hate sloppy tracks....so dangerous, as would be proven later (much to our dismay).

3/ Normally we'd be down at that green fence on a sunny day...right up close to the action. Today, however, we sat in the stands and froze.

4/ On a clear day, this view is spectacular....today in the rain, not so much.

5/ Ty had a yummy looking pulled pork sandwich and, apparently.....
6/ .....it was thumb lickin' good!

7/ "Da bus".

8/ The Giants game was right next door, at the Coliseum. They came from behind to win...WAHOO!

9/ The pics are a little "grainy" because I zoomed in a lot...we were up in the grandstands.

10/ When we arrived at the track, I told Ty I hated the "sloppy" track days, as I'd witnessed quite a few mishaps on them.

Today was a doozie...the #6 horse in this race never made it past the first turn, it was god awful. I cried (as I always do). I didn't even notice, nor did I care that I'd won the race (unlike the lady behind us who was laughing and cheering, completely oblivious to the tragedy unfolding on the track). I hate this part of racing, I felt sick to my stomach and we considered leaving. Really don't know how many more of these I can watch....they stick with me afterward.

It was a weird day today.

Friday Random Ten

38 Years Old...............Hip
Kinda I Want To...........Nine Inch Nails
Nikka Who?.................Nikka Costa
Given To Fly................(I'll give you one guess - yes, it's PJ)
Accidental Babies........Damien Rice
Northern Star..............Hole
Mr. Bojangles..............Bob Dylan
Suffragette City...........David Bowie
Wish You Were Here....Sparklehorse/Thom Yorke
Honky Tonk Woman....Taj Mahal (thanks Mel!)

The rain has started....HA, to all of you suckers out camping. I did it when I was young and now it's your turn to wake up in wet sleeping bags with hangovers. I'm too smart for that now.

Oh ya, I forgot - I was going to post about my situation with my ex. I really don't feel like it now, but here goes nothin':

Once upon a time there lived a fairy princess..... Oh wait, that's not it at all.

When K & I bought this place way back when, I put the d/p on it. I sold my property and used $15,000 in savings, yet I was dumb and put both of our names on the title (despite my parent's pleading for me not to). I was in love, what can I say? We'd been together since we were 14 and I knew he was "the one". And then the marriage happened and deteriorated and, when he left he'd racked up a hefty little debt for lawyers, etc. (he had a bit of trouble when he was drinking). We'd taken out a second, $25,000 mortgage to clear up his debts and buy a new dishwasher/TV. He got the TV. The dishwasher busted.

So FF and here I am now, on my own and paying for everything. He pays for nothing from our past. Nothing on the condo since the day he left. I cover all of the repairs (like the $7,000 roof replacement done a couple of years ago), property/water/sewer taxes, maintenance. The whole kit and kaboodle. Yet his name remains on the title and he hints that his expectation is to claim "half" of the place when we sell. He left yearly 10 years ago and hasn't paid a dime since that time. And it's nearly quadrupled in value since. Even when we were together, my parents bailed us out when we needed things and he didn't bother - like paying for a hot water tank, rugs, furniture, microwave, etc. He basically moved in and paid "rent" and that was it. But he figures he's entitled to half, ten years after the fact.

I was dumb - I should've had a lawyer and resolved this years ago but, quite honestly, I was intimidated by him. We'd had a scary history and he wasn't always in control of himself when it came to me. Basically he'd brainwashed me to obey him and that has taken a lot of deprogramming to get over. So I kept the peace by letting things slide and not rocking the boat. And now it's sinking, with me on board.

He does pay child support and it was initally (strongly) recommended to me to go for spousal support, which I didn't. I didn't want him to "take care" of me, I could take care of myself. I'm stubborn that way. And, again, stupid.

When he's late with the child support, it affects everything. Either a bill doesn't get paid or something gets stretched to the limit until he comes through. He still seems to enjoy that control over me. I used to fight, tooth and nail, until he did pay up, but lately I'm numb and don't even react...I just deal with it from my end and figure out a way. I don't have any more fight in me. Dad helps me out a lot - he's my rock, my hero. But it sucks that I have to have him involved at all...I'm working to change that.

I hate that I'm in this situation. I don't regret having been married to him (I have great kids out of the deal)...I just wish I would've considered that it might not be "happily ever after". My parents tried to warn me...they never liked him in the beginning. They sensed he was abusive, yet I never confirmed it. They grew to accept him because they wanted me to be happy. But they tried to protect me, both emotionally and financially. I wouldn't listen - that stubborness again.

Before I was 21 I'd held a couple of really good jobs (high paying for my age). I'd saved and had acquired $50,000 in assets - which was all entered into the marriage "pool". He brought in a Chevy van and a Sidewinder boat, along with debt that he'd already accumulated.

*Sigh*....should've, could've, would've. Wished I'd listened - I'd be so much further ahead and wouldn't have to bust my ass so hard.

Yes, I had a shitty day at work....not a break in 6 hours. All spent on my feet, hustling my ass. Well, not literally - but you know what I mean.

And, while he vacations and holidays and buys new "toys", I pay off the condo and the second mortgage. What's wrong with this picture?

He still has a key to my place and enters whenever he pleases. I don't drink, but after Mom died I bought 4 Smirnoff's coolers to place one at a time in the fridge, for "those moments". On Mother's Day I knew it would be one...I chilled the last cooler for after my "visit" with Mom (in her urn) and, when I returned home, it was gone! Ty reported that K had helped himself to it when I was out. When he called later I confronted him and he blew and said I was making a big deal over nothing...."get over it" he said. "Go buy yourself 4 more". He didn't get it - it wasn't about that one cooler at all - by that point I didn't really feel like it anymore anyhow and of course I could've bought more. It was about feeling violated, that I have nothing that's really mine and that somehow he still owns half of me.

Some days I want to run far away from it all. When I win that lottery, I'm outta here. And noone need look for me - the kids and I will be off, seeing the world and doing all the things we can't do now. Because I was stupid and am paying for my mistakes. Big time.

On a lighter note (and because this post isn't long enough by my standards)-----"YES!" I knew it......

You Are Hockey

Tough, athletic, and not afraid of a fight. You don't mind putting your body on the line!

What Winter Sport Are You?

Our YVR Giants won in OT tc ok? (code, don't sweat it. You have to be hockey to understand.)

Just got back from mattress shopping for Ty - holy batshit they're getting expensive. We shopped around and got a fairly decent deal from Sleep Country...$600. Fuck, can't we just pretend we're camping and buy air mattresses? "C'mon, it'll be fun." No? Damn, when he was six it would've worked.

Anyhow, it had to be done. Looking back, he's had his for 19 years. And I got it from a friend who'd had it for 20 before that. Yep, it was time. When there's no longer a top on a mattress and the springs are exposed and clumps of fill are coming out, I'm afraid it no longer qualifies as a bed. More of a torture device. Linds needs one too, damn it. And her computer's in being fixed. And we need an air conditioner. And.......well, you get the picture. Damn, kids are expensive. Where's a sugar daddy when I need one? Any volunteers?

Forecast is calling for rain...guess that'll ruin the horseracing plan. The ex just left for 10 days away - fishing derby (which is the official name of the big piss up). He forgot to pay support this month so I left a message saying I was sending Gino over with a baseball bat to break his legs. He wasn't amused. Or scared. He's paying later because booze is more important than anything. It's the drinking man's law.

Well another earth shattering post by Deb. Stay tuned tomorrow for "why I was a dumb idiot when my marriage ended". It's a doozie.

G'night all. Sweet dreams. And remember to post about them

blah, blah, blah

A post of utter nothingness because I am uninspired and tired. The kids are laughing at my recent purchase....THIS bag of rice crackers. In order to fully appreciate the size of this package, check out the palm-sized crackers on top. "555" - I think that's how much you'd weigh after consuming the entire pack. I love a little deep fried sugar and salt. In palm oil, of course. I need an intervention here.

So, in music news, Ty bought ANOTHER guitar. That makes six in this house. And two of the three occupants play....just how many guitars does one household need? They're all in the living room, of course, which means everytime I want to move around I have to contend with a guitar. Swearing is necessary at that point. I also just gave Linds a harmonica so when she feels the urge to whine (it's often - she's a 16 year old girl), she can play the blues instead. We do have fun with music here. Mom used to love anything that lit up or was musical and when I was going through some of her stuff I had to stop and smile at a Little Tykes preschool "organ" that she'd bought at a thrift store with the intention of giving away to a child. But she ended up having so much fun with it that she kept it! With the touch of a button you can go from organ to barking dog, frog, duck and monkey. I broke it down pretty good playing along with Cracker's "Teen Angst" the other day. Linds was totally impressed - I may audition for Canadian Idol. Then Ty came home later and, without any prior knowledge of my performance, he did a mean "pill box full of buttons" (percussion) to The White Stripes. He really got down. God we're talented. I suggested that we form a band and it is in agreement - look for The Dysfunctions to hit a town near you. Barb, get researching us.

See how bored I am?

Well the long weekend is fast approaching. Woopty fucking do. Sorry, I don't get excited about long weekends anymore. While they once meant wild drinking camping trips, now they mean one extra day of housework before I go back to work. I do think we'll hit the track for some horseracing though. I'd planned on accompanying Linds to V-Fest as she'd bought a two day pass and had noone to go with. She'd arranged to go with friends but they failed to get tickets. Something about them costing money. But tonight she informed me that she bought a pass for a friend (out of her birthday money) so I don't have to go. I'm a little disappointed...as much as two days worth of elbowing through hordes of wasted teens doesn't really appeal to me, I was almost looking forward to some craziness to break up this monotony. It's at UBC - the last concert I saw there was a nightmare (The Hip). K and his buddy got completely hammered in the university pub before the show and so I ditched them to go solo. I made my way to the front of the stage but the "surge" of people was squishing me and I couldn't breathe. Luckily a very observant bouncer noticed my predicament and nodded and gestured that he'd lift me out. Which he did - and I scooted out in front of the band to safety. Then I had to get home alone in the dark after the show....very scary, as the university grounds have some pretty isolated, forested areas. Although the show was great, the entire vibe for me was one of anxiety and stress. Men....pfffft.

Well that's it for tonight, all the excitement you can handle I'm sure.

What great plans do you have for the weekend?

Fobulous

Tonight was bittersweet...on the one month mark of losing Mom, David took his one year cake at NA. Linds and I attended and, I must say, it was a moving experience. We laughed and cried as we shared stories and I learned a lot more about my brother. Although he'd invited Dad, we didn't know if he'd show. He's an extremely private man and shies away from anything like this, especially since it involved speaking in front of strangers. But I'll be damned if he didn't show up right before the meeting started and openly share his thoughts and feelings.

I am thankful for this wonderful group of people...they quite literally helped save my brother's life. Well obviously he played a big part in that but, without them, I don't know that he could've done it. I know it's not for everyone, but it certainly is the key for him. They spoke of how he connected right from the start and I really think this was the missing link in Dave's life. These people are sincere and genuine and I'm glad we have a program like this for those who need it.

Mom would've been so proud tonight as Dave accepted his one year fob and cake. He dedicated it to her.

For the past two nights I've been awakened by dreams...and that's unusual for me - I don't dream very often. I'm sure it's tied into Mom and I interpret them as feeling like she was "stolen" away from me. Tell me what you think:

The first one was very long and I only remember the end....I was driving Lindsay to a friend's - a house that I was unfamiliar with. For some reason we'd borrowed my mother in law's car and, as we pulled up onto the boulevard, someone came waving out from the back yard at Linds, signalling for her to come. I felt uneasy and decided to escort her there. I did, but as I returned to the driveway and looked out to the boulevard, the car was gone! I quickly realized that I'd left the key in the ignition with the door unlocked. I don't remember the details, but the rest of the dream was frantic and I awoke somewhat panicked. But then a sense of relief came over me as I realized I wouldn't have to explain the missing car to my mother in law.

Dream #2 - last night I dreamt that I rode my bike to Dad's house and was going to leave it out front as I went inside. This kind of coincides with what happened yesterday - I took a microwave to Dad's and after I'd lifted it out of the car he insisted I put it down in the driveway and let my brother come out and carry it in. I went inside to get my brother, at which point Dad followed me in. I told him he shouldn't have left the microwave outside, unattended, as someone would steal it out there.

Anyhow, in my dream my Dad said "we'll fix it up so noone steals it". Now, this to me is quite funny because normally I just wheel my bike inside. But I guess in dreams you can't do that. So Dad began to bury my bike in the front garden, nearly up to the top of the wheels - they were showing, along with the handlebars. In the dream I thought, "o.k., it looks like some kind of planter". He strung string around it too??

We went in for a bit and then I went out to check on my bike and saw the holes in the garden where it had been and the string strewn around...someone had stolen my bike. My dream ended with me pointing out the dirty tire tracks and heading off to find it.

As I said, I NEVER dream...usually only if I'm sick with a fever. So two dreams in two nights is a record for me. I awoke last night feeling really anxious, sad and worried....I really think it's tied in to Mom's death. What do you think? Have you had a dream you remember lately?

Today's A Rough One

Dear Mom:

And so this lonely journey begins. The first of many firsts here, this one's tough for me Mom. Make no mistake, every day I miss your laughter and kindness. But today, being Mother's Day, it's amplified and I long for you to still be here.

I want to thank you for being everything a Mother's supposed to be. You loved unconditionally. We could do no wrong in your eyes - you were proud of us even in those times that you probably shouldn't have been. You didn't care, we were your children and you treasured and stood by us. You tried for a large family and lost several of your "babies" in the process. So I know that David and I meant the world to you - we were "special" because we made it. And you always treated us that way.

Your favorite saying was "you can have anything you want" and you meant it. You gave us the world. You carried on that tradition with our children, your grandchildren. Ty will never forget that he was "your boy" and Linds "your little lady". You didn't care about possessions or materal things - your family was the greatest gift as far as you were concerned. But really, you were the gift.

When I was pre-buying cards for you that I liked, I stopped and pondered for a minute. Maybe it was a bad omen to buy cards in advance?....."nah, don't be silly" I thought. Guess I was wrong...these are the cards that you'll never see.


I remember two years ago I entered a Mother's Day contest for you and won. You carried that submission around in your purse and showed everyone that would look at it - you were so proud. But really, it was I who was proud of you. (I will print it later, so the whole world can see it Mom).

I was in awe of you - we were such a good team. Still are, as far as I'm concerned.

I love you Mom and miss you more than words can say. Happy Mother's Day.

Love Deb,
XOXO.

Hi guys! You may notice I won't be around as much as usual...I'm working extra hours. And also, with this gorgeous weather, I'm back to my biking.

Right before I buckled awhile back, I'd gone for a bike ride and was puzzled by how much I'd struggled. I do the same route all the time - it's about 15k and I usually pedal pretty hard throughout so am well conditioned to it. But on the last ride I did before I knew I was sick, I had a really hard time with it. I couldn't understand why I hit the wall and had zero energy...looking back, it now makes sense.

I was a bit apprehensive about doing the route again so yesterday (my first day since being sick) I thought I'd just go halfway, then turn around and come home. But, once I got going, I was so energized by being out in the sun and fresh air that I flew through the whole thing.

Today I set out again and it just feels so good to be back. I've worked out my entire life and it's depressing when I'm told I "can't". So my blogging will probably suffer as I'm focusing on getting my health back in order.

This blogging, however, keeps my mental health in check, so I'll still be around. Just not as much.

Barb recently tagged me and, although I’m a little late, I’m going to post my (very boring) response.

The idea is that I’m supposed to list my five favorite restaurants and describe them. Here’s the problem - we don't often go out to restaurants. It’s rare for the three of us to be in the same place at the same time (and on the same schedule), so we sort of “hit and miss” and grab a lot of take out vs. dining out. Seriously, one of our favorite things is to pick up gyros from a kiosk in the mall or order in Chinese (Bamboo Grove, every time)...not very elegant or impressive. But, for Barb’s sake, I’ll give this a whirl:

1/ Cronos - Steak, Lobster & Pizza House. Cronos is in the heart of Richmond, but sort of tucked away and hard to find. We’ve been going there since the kids were little...not so much for the ambiance (it’s dark and ugly) but for the delicious food. There's a nice variety to the menu and I like the fact that they serve Italian and Greek dishes. The lasagna is fantastic and the caesar salad is the best I’ve ever had. We also order the chicken souvlaki that comes with pita bread and, again, the best tzatziki I’ve ever tasted. The pizzas are excellent and it’s not uncommon for us to order a bunch of food and then share/sample a bit of everything. We have fond memories of Ty at 2, squishing a little creamo cup all over the bald man’s head behind us. (Now you know why we order in.)

2/ Friendly Banner’s Restaurant. This place is a little gem that’s a 5 minute walk from us, but we’d walk 50 if we had to. It’s hard to find a true “family” restaurant these days - especially one with a menu as extensive as this one. It’s pages long and there’s something for EVERYONE. Everything from salads to wraps to pasta to turkey or steak dinners. Burgers, sandwiches. There are even old favorites (of Mom's) like liver and onions and veal cutlets. Our favorite is the chicken quesidilla....yummy. The place is always packed as a result of the great food and large portions. Most entrees come with soup or salad (no, not “super salad”) - the soup is always delicious and the salad always fresh. And one of the best things about the place is the staff there - they treat you like you’re long time friends (well I guess we are now). Everyone that goes there seems to know them by name and the regulars who have coffee and cigarettes outside just go on in and help themselves like they run the joint. There aren’t too many places these days where four people can walk in and sit down without having to order?....they know exactly what we want and how we want it. Pretty amazing. Just don't sit in the booth that's right beside the bathrooms.

3/ Pajo’s Fish & Chips - O.K., it’s greasy food, like I showed you. But not TOO greasy, it’s actually really good. And they have a nice selection of freshly caught cod, salmon and halibut (they're 5 minutes from the docks), as well as some pretty decent burgers. But the best part of Pajo’s is the location - it’s situated smack dab at the foot of Garry Point park. It’s a great place to go for a beautiful sunset dinner on the beach. Fairly reasonably priced. And the little building it's housed in also has an ice cream shop that's a must after dinner....mmmm freshly made waffle cones.

4/ Nando’s Chicken - (Do you notice a trend here?...if you open a restaurant that ends in "o", chances are I'll come). By far the best chicken going. The setting isn’t the greatest, feels kind of like you’re crammed in a hallway, but the food makes up for it. And it’s a family run franchise with a really friendly family running it - they tend to come out and mingle with the diners. A little pricey, but the portions are good and it’s always delicious.

5/ I’m saving this spot. There are several restaurants in my city that I’ve never been to, despite the fabulous reviews that they get. Some are just a hop, skip and car ride away. So I plan of visiting them in the near future and returning to update here, on number 5.

These restaurants include:

The Charthouse Restaurant in Steveston. I was born and raised in Steveston - my parent’s house is still there. And people from all over the world have dined at the Chart House, so why haven't I? I don't know. That’s going to change. Soon.

La Pergola. Another Steveston restaurant that’s a stone’s throw away from my old stomping grounds. And it's calling my name.

Papi’s Restaurante Italiano. Again, Steveston. Did I even live there at all? Where the hell was I?

The Mad Greek. It’s Greek. It’s gotta’ be good.

Go here for info on all the local restaurants here.

So this is the deal. I'm to tag five people and you must add 5 restaurants in your area that are worth checking out. Then add your info to the end of this list of links.

Nicole Sydney, Australia
verlverse Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
LB San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy
Selba Jakarta, Indonesia
Olivia London, England
ML Utah, USA
Lotus Toronto, Canada
tanabata Saitama, Japan
Andi Dallas(ish), Texas, USA
Lulu Chicago, Illinois, USA
Chris Boyne City, Michigan, USA
AB Cave Creek, Arizona, USA
Johnny Yen Chicago, Illinois, USA
Bubs Mt. Prospect, Illinois, USA
Barbara Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Deb Richmond, British Columbia, Canada

Whew, that's a long list.

So I now tag tk, whitenoise, mellowlee, Allison and gled.

And, if you're like me and don't frequent restaurants much, I'm changing the rules to say pick 5 that you'd LIKE to dine at.

Okaboo & Mahot-masun

Awhile ago I told the story of my brother Dave and his struggle with drugs.

I won't retell it all, in its entirety (**UPDATE: yeah, right). It's extremely draining. That was a difficult time in life and I was sure, at the time, that we'd lose him. I think he was close.

Dave hit his bottom and stayed there for some time. He'd gone from the guy that everyone loved to one that few recognized. The transformation was scary and if someone had told me my brother would end up where he was, I'd say they were crazy. He was the best at everything he did - an allstar (local) baseball player/pitcher. He was always being picked up for tournaments throughout the province and was in the paper every week. He was a marksman and a skilled fisherman. He was an artist. He was an eagle eye pool hustler and the ex and I laughed as we recalled an old story the other night. Dave was in the bar and on a roll, cleaning up at pool. Noone was any match for him....that was until Dad sauntered in. Now, Dad didn't drink or frequent bars, so we were quite surprised to see him show up there. It was pool tourney Sunday and he'd come in just for that. And it ended up being Dad vs David in the final round. Everyone had been in awe of Dave - that was until Dad stepped up and ran the table. Done deal. The only guy to show him up.

Things were like that - Dad and Dave only knew how to give things their best...no in betweens or half hearteds. Maybe Dad drove Dave too hard at times...he was so competitive. But he was also always behind him 100%. Which would make David's deterioration so much more painful for Dad - they'd been so close and he was angry when Dave self destructed. They did not get along at all and it was sometimes quite confrontational and scary. It was not a good time in life.

I wrote Dave off about three years ago - when Dad was battling cancer and on death's door. David was ugly at that point and could not be trusted...I had no tolerance for his antics. I'd tried and given up. It was up to him to "fix" things with us but I didn't have much confidence that he would.

And then something tragic would happen that would be life altering for Dave and "I" (his girlfriend). I's mother died very suddenly during the throws of their addiction and that was enough for her to clean up. She went into rehab and not long after that she gave Dave the boot. Best thing she could've done. He eventually followed her down the same path in order to reconcile with her. At first it was for her, but eventually he decided that after living clean for a period of time he was in it for himself. He saw the other side and decided it was how he wanted to live - that the chaos that he'd once used drugs to cope with was actually gone without them. He realized that they'd been creating the confusion and dysfunction in his life, not helping him deal with it.

Why am I revisiting this again tonight? Quite simple, really. Today Dave celebrates one year clean and sober. He abstains from everything now, which is the only way for him. He's come so far and even looks completely different than he did a short time ago. He's fit, tanned, working hard and enjoying the simple things in life again - his family, fishing, things like that.

My hat's off to my brother...he's one hell of a man. And what he did was no easy feat - he overcame a very serious drug addiction that nearly claimed his life. And quite possibly over time, ours as well.

I'm only thankful that Mom got some peace with it all before she was laid to rest....she saw Dave as he was to be - a great man and a son to be proud of. And he was there with her when she passed....maybe it was fate that made it all come together just in time. Maybe that's why she let go - things were all in order.

I took Dave a gift with a card tonight (I too, her "one year" was in April) - I think it's important to stand behind and support them in this. Acknowledging their progress is important - we'll be attending his "cake" meeting on Monday.

I wrote David a very heartfelt letter and stuck it in the card. I wanted him to know how truly proud I am of my "little" brother and that I'm with him on his journey.

Congratulations Dave...I'm extremely proud of you.Dave & "I" (not me)

ANOTHER SUPRISE BLOG.

For those of you who are/were wondering (as i've noticed my mum says A-LOTTTTT)
this is not deb, infact, HER AMAZING, AWESOME, WICKED COOL, daughterrrrr, Lindsay.
She's at my grandpas right now, and I have jacked her computer for the time being.
mum, your keyboard SUCKS.
she's always complaining about how I don't care about her and how I "hate her"
kay mum, I know you say you're just kidding about that when I get upset, but you're not.
you-are-lame.
you're the best mum ever, and never ever think for any amount of time that I don't love you, cause I do.
I'm just a cranky teenager and you're just a cranky old lady and sometimes we butt heads but that doesn't mean I "hate" you.
infact, I always brag about you to my friends, and how you're cool and stuff like that, and they get really jealous.
SO IF I CALL YOU NAMES OR IF I SAY I DON'T WANT TO GO FOR A WALK (ahem) ITS BECAUSE IM AN ASSHOLE AND I AM LAZY.
but I love you, alot.
more than any daughter could love another mum.
so stop thinking were not friends and that I don't want to spend time with you, that's not true either.
you're my best friend cause I know when all my friends are mean and immature, (not saying you're not mean and immature, cause you are, LOLOLOL, kidding.. about the mean part, but the immature part is what makes you fun. AND ONLY MEAN SOMETIMES, BUT ALL MUMS ARE.) that you'll always be there.
friends will come and friends will go but you will always be my mum, and thats more important than any friend of mine.
I BET YOURE NEAR TEARS RIGHT NOW.
"what a good daughter"
I know, I know *takes bow*.
then, "LINDSAY DON'T GO ON/READ MY BLOG!"
I KNOW.
lol.
you better come home soon and make me some tea, and tomorrow ANTM is on, hold on, phone.
it was ty, he says phone him when you get home.
LOL X 2.
*invade your computer*
I NEED MINE FIXED SOON PLEASE.
I bet all your internet friends are getting bored of reading this, and you too, you're probably waiting for this to end (I talk alot, I wonder who I get that from *rolls eyes* hmm..) so you can play online poker.
so i'll end this saying, I love you, so stop being a geek and thinking I don't.
your feelings get hurt too easily.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TROOPER, GEEZ.
lolololololol OMG LE TIGRE ON TV *dances* I can play this on my guitar, yeeeeee.
LOVE YOU, BYE.

I took Linds up to Pajo's for some greasy food dinner on the beach tonight. The plan (I thought) was that we were going for a nice walk afterward. Linds, however, wanted to dine and dash and guess who won? I'll give you one hint - it wasn't me.

Anyhow, these are sort of out of order. But, then again, so am I these days.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

On the drive up there, this duck was in the middle of the road and didn't seem to want to move. Even after we blasted the horn at him.

This little bird got to share Lindsay's waffle cone...he actually has a piece in his mouth. Then he flew up to the tree and wiped his beak on the branch...click on the pic to make it bigger (so cute).








You'll notice that on the wooden tray there are very clear instructions (on both the top and the side, so as not to miss them) - "PLEASE RETURN THIS TRAY IMMEDIATELY AFTER UNLOADING IT AT YOUR TABLE". "Oh, that means US?". Rebels.
Time to leave...no walk today I guess.
I saw this nice old car but missed the shot (again), as I fumbled to get my camera out.
Then we passed it as we drove down the street. GOTCHA! (almost).